Day 5 : Donetsk to Mariupol

Dearest Dema,

Ok, we have concluded that train travel is not all that it is advertised - I think combined we three got one hour of sleep. It was way hot and stuffy and for some reason the moment my body knew that there was not a private bath readily available, it decided I needed to remove all available fluid on a very regular basis.

So after an AWFUL night, we cleaned ourselves up in time for the train to arrive at 7am. We were met by two cars and drivers because there were more than 2 of us and lots of luggage. (We tried to pack light - we really did- but to no avail - however so far I can conclude that I have packed just right - nothing yet seems superfluous.) We then drove to Mariupol but thankfully stopped for some breakfast - ok a snack really at a minimarket by a gas station - but at least it was something to eat and drink. So this brings a note to the adoptive families - always, always have a bottle of water and an emergency candy bar or snack with you. The Ukraninans really do not stop to eat or drink! EVER! And if you value food as much as I do, this will save your life.

Back to our day.... We arrived in Mariupol and waited in the car outside a government building while our coordinator received a letter of referral from the local authorities. This took a little while so we all took the chance to grab a few Z’s in the car. Once we got the letter, we were off to the orphanage. When we pulled up, I was struck by such fear and doubt - here we are crumpled, smelly without a shower, tired, and certainly not at our best. And I was paralyzed with the thought that maybe you (Dema) wouldn’t want us or maybe you wanted some other family! What if you just thought it was a fun visit and that was that? Ack.

We were taken into a room and left there while official things were taking place - what official things, I don’t know. That is another point for other adoptive families. A fair amount of time you have no idea what is going on but you just have to keep the faith. There is such a large amount of behind the scenes work being done that we do not know about. It takes time and effort and we are just an encumbrance to the process. So, just sitting back and letting everyone else work without complaining is the easiest thing to do. And another point, as hard as it is, just staying put will help streamline the process. The facilitator is kind of our babysitter over here, but he doesn’t want to babysit you when there is work to do. However, you might think that they value independence, which up to a point they do, when it does not interfere with anyone else. But try walking off when they are looking for you or ready to move on - oh boy! But overall, we could not ask for a better, more protective person to work with than our facilitator. He is absolutely wonderful and dedicated to this task.

So, enough digression, and back to the story. We waited for about 30 minutes and then were ushered into the office of the orphanage director. She sat at a desk and then at a table in front of the desk were the orphanage vice-director that we all met at the hosting program and the orphanage doctor. The meeting started with the orphanage director talking about you and telling us all about your background. I will summarize it here, but someday I am sure you will correct us and fill in the blanks.

Your mom was not around after birth and your dad gave you to Grandma to be raised while he moved to a different city. You lived with her until the age of 12 when she became ill and could not care for you. When that happened you were placed in the orphanage (much to your dislike we heard) and an effort was made to contact your dad. Unfortunately he had passed away in 2007. Your Grandma has been to the orphanage to visit you a couple of times but we heard that it was very difficult for her to travel and that it was hard for her to visit you. She has written a letter to the orphanage saying that it was ok for you to be adopted. So this is good news that there are not any legal issues standing in our way.

We heard that when you first came to the orphanage you really didn’t want to be there and kept asking why your mom couldn’t come. Apparently they looked for your mother but had to declare her missing after she could not be located. You then came over to America and stayed with us, and according to the orphanage director when you came back were asking all the time when could we adopt you and when could you leave to go back with us. She said that your school work got much better and that you were very open about expressing that you wanted us as a family. She said that you had even speculated when told that we were coming yesterday that you thought it would be Mama, Papa, and sister - and you were right! At this point, I was struggling to hold back tears. I knew that we were expected to be stoic and act like you were unknown to us, but this so deeply affected me that you really wanted us and were looking forward to being a part of our family. I felt like all the worries were just lifted off my shoulders! I didn’t have to worry that you didn’t want us. We felt so blessed that you have expressed a desire to be with us - we feel very lucky to have the opportunity to add you to our family.

The orphanage director went on to say that your schooling had been hit or miss before the orphanage and that many times you had not attended school while with your Grandma. So, now I have a whole new set of challenges on how to teach you. So, mister, get ready, I am up to this challenge! We are going to visit your school before we go and talk to your teachers and figure out where you are and then hit the ground running.

Then the doctor went on to tell us about what little is known about your medical history (which is almost nothing) and then they brought you in. I thought I was going to die - I was so happy to see you standing there. You looked great and I just couldn’t help myself from rushing over to give you a hug. I almost killed myself tripping over a chair but I wasn’t going to let anything stand in my way from getting to you. I know you were surprised but after we all three got finished crushing you in hugs - you finally smiled!

Then they led us to another room so that we could visit with you and our facilitator had to go do more official business. Visiting with you was great - it is so hard just to visit and know that it will still be the better part of a month before you can come permanently with us. I feel bad that we did not have any of the gifts that we had brought for you but we hadn’t even been to where we were staying in Mariupol yet. So we promised you to bring some the next day. 

After we left you (very hard to do by the way!) we were absolutely starving. We had not eaten since the snack at the minimart on the way to Mariupol and it was now about 2:00pm. We went to a restaurant and had a delicious lunch and then were taken to start the paperwork. We had to go to a lawyers office to sign some more papers and filled out the local petition to adopt. So we felt glad that we were able to start the process today - let’s hope everything continues this smoothly.

We were taken to the apartment after that, which is very nice and a little bigger than the one in Kiev. We were so tired and, after a really good lunch, it was time for a great big power nap. All three of us sacked out for about 3 hours. Then G3 walked across the street to a little mart to get some food and after doing that we have just vegged out working and catching up on email.

Anyway, this was a great day - emotionally. Exhausting - physically. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow and continue to work on getting you home!

We love you so much!

Bethany, G3, G4 & Amanda