We have been crazy busy this fall, so I feel like I should have a list of accomplishments to justify this feeling of busy, but unfortunately, I don’t. I seem to have been crazy busy without getting much accomplished!
However, I think I am just going to have to get used to that feeling! The whole family is doing pretty good, but there have been some pretty interesting developments that I wanted to share. The first deals with Alex’s career path. He had initially pushed back and refused to talk about his future and say only, “I don’t have a future, I will die soon, just like my dad.” Sad, sad, sad. Hard to hear, but I guess most kids coming out of orphanages feel the same. They live in the moment as there might not be a future for them.
Then once I was able to get through to him that there was a future, he went through the kiddie developmental stages of wanting to be a policeman, spy, etc. It was so cute to see it, but at the time, I took it seriously as this is really what he might want. John and I were thinking, hmmm, civil service career, pretty smart. But recently, he has changed his mind again and this one seems to be sticking - at least over the past 3 months. He has really found his passion in the Sociology course that he took over the summer and so I have continued it - but it has more morphed into Psychology. He is reading a book called Evil and its causes, or something like that and discussing it every week with his teacher. Ok, I am reading it to him as it is a college text, but you understand, right?
He LOVES to debate and talk about these issues. And then even suggested getting an early start in his career and doing some studies - so low and behold, he is doing a science fair project that deals with adopted children - he designed a questionnaire and sent it out to people and is going to study the results. In a funny turn of events, Adoption Today magazine found out about it and wants to interview him and have him share the results of his study! He is over cloud 9. Now he is talking about getting his doctorate and believing that he can do it. I am a little more pragmatic - he has a lot of lost ground to make up for - but I do know that where there is a will, there is a way.
The change from a kid who wouldn’t even talk about the future to now has been remarkable. We are so happy that he has found his passion. Makes life so much easier.
The other development has been a change in the way he views himself. He was always the “bad boy” smoker, drinker, womanizer….. you all know. But recently, he was hanging out with a friend at park day with our homeschooling group (and I haven’t liked this kid, the kind you know is bad news, but I have kept my mouth shut) and when I came to pick the kids up, he was with another group. I asked what had happened and Amanda and Alex said, “Oh, we don’t like so and so any more.” I of course had to pursue this one, “Why ever not?” while doing my happy dance!
Apparently this kid had asked Alex for money and alcohol. Alex had replied I don’t drink anymore to which the kid said thats ok, you can smoke while I drink. Whereas, Alex replied, I don’t smoke either anymore - that’s not my life anymore. And off he went. What this other kids doesn’t understand is that to Alex that lifestyle wasn’t cool or to be ‘bad’ - but necessary to survive. By rejecting it, Alex has embraced his new life. Talk about happy, happy, happy!!!! I was so thrilled that without lecturing or anything on my part, he had chosen the right path and was proud of it. Amanda had overheard the exchange and told me later that she was so proud of the way he put the other kid in his place and then separated from him. But…. we haven’t fixed the girl problems, they are still all over him and he doesn’t push them away….. oh well, two out of three ain’t bad!
I know some people think I am just a lazy parent, I don’t like to confront about topics, but I guess I feel if there can be a good outcome without my intervention, how much more powerful that is, rather than me imposing. If I imposed my way, life would be easier for me, but I don’t know that it would be easier for Alex later on. He has to realize some things by himself.
And if he had made arrangements to drink and smoke? I honestly don’t know exactly what I would have done other than to give him a big hug and kiss and tell him I love him anyway even though he had made a bad choice. I think I would have let him fall off the wagon and then picked up the pieces afterwards when he hopefully would have realized that it wasn't fun or cool, but a pathetic attempt to recapture a time past, that was gone. I think he would have learned from that too, but I am so happy that I don’t have to now!
Along those lines, Alex was fussing about his workout schedule. He wants to work out every day but laziness takes over and he ends up by spending more free time in front of video games and the computer than in the exercise room. He was fussing at me the other day as to why I don’t make him workout or be more productive. I told him that I could make him do these things - I could insist on an Algebra lesson every day, and waking up early, and a regular fitness schedule. I certainly could impose these, but I didn’t want to. I am happy with him making his own schedule - and accomplishing 2-3 Algebra lessons a week, sleeping until he wakes up, and working out haphazardly. It’s his life I told him and only too soon I will not be there to force him to do these things. If I impose these now, when he is out on his own, he will not have developed the skills on his own and will need external guidance. But if I let him develop the internal motivations now, on his own, when I am here to help mold and guide, they will be there for life. So, I am content sometimes to let things slide now for a better way later. He wasn’t so sure about this and was grousing he wanted me to make him do things, but hopefully he will see the truth of my ways - or maybe not. Time will tell!
Or maybe the truth of the matter is that I am really lazy! But either way, I am pleased about the progress he is making and the abilities he has developed. I have so much to be thankful for.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
