The rest of Day 23

Dearest Alex,

Well as usual just seeing you brightened our spirits immensely. You are so happy and fun to be around. We got to see you about 10:00 this morning. We got your suitcase back from storage yesterday so we were able to take it in this morning and show you the clothes and see if they fit. I was especially concerned about the shoes fitting. You wore a size 10 when you came last summer, but on intuition I bought size 11. They seemed to fit just fine - maybe a little big but not too much. Everything else seemed just fine and I think you liked everything. Here you are looking cool with new sunglasses.

We finally also had been able to charge your Nintendo DS that we had bought for you. Boy was that a big hit. Sergei rushed in and then the two of you were gone, swept away on a tide of video game surf. The Radzinski’s came and again I can’t tell you how nice it is to have another set of parents here going through the same things that we are. But unfortunately you and Sergei were so excited about the Nintendo that everyone forgot about little Max. Finally Sergei was able to be pulled away from the game long enough to get little Max.

We let everyone play for a while but then I decided to be evil homeschooling mom and pull you away from the electronics just for a half hour or so to do some English work. You didn’t want to come but good-naturedly agreed and let me drill you with flash cards. Again I have to say how proud of your English I am. It is really coming along. I am wondering whether or not you will even need a tutor, but I will wait to make that decision when we get home.

Little Max was all over the place so we ended up outside visiting with a bunch of kids. It was nice to see everyone that had come over last summer. I know that they are anxiously awaiting their parents soon. We have met one young lady named Yana (sp?) that seems to be about 14 or 15. She likes you (we can tell) but she is so sweet and polite. She gave us a picture that she had drawn that was on display. We felt so honored. We have it safely packed away in one of our suitcases and we are going to take it home and get it framed so that you have a little piece of a happy memory to look upon. She was doing a beautiful cross-stitch today as the kids were outside, so I sat next to her and talked as best we could for a while.

To the Bahr family - Tanya was there but for some reason I didn't get her in the picture - I think she had wandered off for a minute.

Everyone had a great time visiting and all too soon Sasha was calling telling us it was time to go. Boy, today was hard to leave you. I still don’t see why we have to - I am counting the days until we don’t have to say good-bye any more. I am really tired of saying it. But I have to console myself with the knowledge that we are on the downhill side of everything. I should be home in no more than two weeks. That makes me happy, because not only do I miss everyone at home but knowing that you are coming with us is comforting.

We rested a little in the afternoon while Amanda caught up on some school work and then walked over to a nearby department store. It is the same one we went to a couple of weeks ago to get your track suit. We are looking for gifts to take home to everyone. We also got lost in the book department again! I swear, homeschoolers can’t stay away from books. We found some great workbooks and I had to restrain myself from buying several more. We are at a space premium and more books would be too heavy to take home. But I couldn’t resist one for little Max (make it someone else’s problem!)

I have to interrupt myself here for a minute. As we were sitting around this afternoon, our conversation turned to Sasha (our facilitator not our driver - how confusing - maybe we should institute a name change for someone!) We have been so impressed with how great he has been. Reflecting back on our court date (still a traumatic memory) and everything else - he has just been wonderful. We feel so lucky to have his help and support over here. We feel so well taken care of.

We met the Radzinski’s for dinner. It was lovely. We were recommended a steak house by one of the basketball players we met, and it was fabulous. There was an outdoor patio with beautiful lighting and trees all around. The temperature was perfect - it felt like we were in an exclusive seaside cafe somewhere in Monaco! The food was fabulous and the company great (we love you guys and are so happy you are here now!) It was picture perfect. We lingered over dinner for almost 3 hours. But the curse struck again - we tried to pay for dinner (and this time were able to) but then when it came time to leave a tip - we didn’t have the small bills to do it! ARGH!!! These people are going to think we are sponging off them! As an aside to others traveling over here, you can charge food but they run through the amount on the check and there is no opportunity to leave a tip. So the tip gets paid in cash and is about 10% for a good tip. But that means you have to have the cash on you.

So, tomorrow, the routine will be the same - 2 hours to visit you at the orphanage (which is in my mind 22 too little) - and then the afternoon to stew about how much we want to be with you! You certainly are getting a lot of love sent your way from us!

See you tomorrow.

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

More pIctures

This is the infamous "room" where you are allowed to spend time with your children. There has never been any explicit mandate not to go anywhere else in the orphanage, but I think it is somewhat of an unspoken rule that this is where you are allowed - you can go outside with the kids and play a little but only under the supervision of a guard.

This is Yuri (I think that is his name), a guard that is there on the weekends with Sergei. He dresses in casual clothes and is very nice. The other guard is very nice also, but is in an official guard uniform.

Alex with Yuri. This was taken on our court day - the only picture we have of you on that day! We feel so bad that there wasn't more of a celebration but you were whisked off so quickly that we didn't have time to react.

Amanda and Becky in "the room," waiting for the boys.

Alex caught cheating trying to be all innocent, "Who me?"

I mentioned in a previous post that some of the kids are very skilled at making paper sculptures. Becky is holding a beautiful swam that Sergei made for her out of paper. It is hard to see but they are very elaborate.

Pictures from yesterday

As usual I am slow posting pictures - sorry everyone.

Here is Becky and Kevin Radzinski with Sergei - unfortunately little Max had to go for a nap.

Our little cutie! He knows he melts hearts! When we tried to get him to stop playing a video game yesterday on the ipad when the orphanage director walked in, he said, No and then gave this winning smile like I am so cute can you deny me? And of course, he was right, we couldn't! He already has our hearts twisted around his little finger.

Day 23 : Sad News from home

Dearest Alex,

We got some terrible news late last night. A good friend lost her husband and brother in a boating accident during a yacht race. It is so tragic, they were such a wonderful family and had done so much for the homeschooling community. And the most tragic thing is the kids that are left now without a dad.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5imGae_QZlk4UJHlkIULvTaISZTXg?docId=fef67cf6131a4258b15921a72d5a4770

We are stunned and saddened. She had helped me so much with my book among other things and my heart goes out to her. I wish there was something I could do but being halfway around the world and half a day ahead makes it difficult.

I think this really brought home to me how isolating it is here to be apart from my life for so long. It seems so weird a situation. On one hand, there is nothing more important to me than you right now and getting everything done here, but on the other hand there is everything that is left behind. Now that we have gotten through court and are starting to talk about going home, I see that these two worlds are going to have to mesh together and soon. It sometimes seems insurmountable and at others no big deal. But either way, there is not much that can be done over here about it.

I finally was able to get through to my mom last night and find out about things at the house. G4 is wonderful but it seems a little like getting information out of a stone at times. She was able to update me on everything going on and how your room is coming along. I had thought that we had a little more time than we did so hadn’t spent as much time in your room as I had wanted before we came to get you. So thank goodness, she was able to step in and help out.

My next task is to deal with clothes for you. We bought a few things that I brought with me to get you home, but that is about all I have. I am going to take those into the orphanage today when we see you to see if they fit. Once I can make some determinations as to what sizes you are, I will call Grandma at home so she can start stocking up your closet.I don’t mind laundry, but I want you to have enough to get through a week or two so I don’t have to worry about it all the time.

Well, I am just laying in bed right now typing on my computer - time to get up and face the day even if it is with a heavy heart. Hearing the bad news just makes everything I have seem more precious right now, especially you. I just want you to know how much we love you and can’t wait for the day when we don’t have to say goodbye any more and know that you will always be with us!

Love,

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

Day 22: Mariupol

Dearest Alex,

We are still so excited about yesterday. I think we are really getting to appreciate how great it all went. Yesterday I think we were still so traumatized about the problems that arose that we were almost scared to be happy. Having survived such a near miss, it still felt like we were waiting for the other shoe to fall so to speak. But the emotional trauma must have taken its toll because we all slept like the dead and awoke feeling happy and refreshed.

G3 and I are so excited about having you as our son. We think you will fit in perfectly and that you will be happy. Even though there might be times when you wish “evil homeschooling mom” wouldn’t make you do so much work, overall I think everything is going to work out great.

We checked out of the hotel this morning and went to another apartment. Sasha (our driver - not the facilitator) had his wife’s car this morning and it is a great deal smaller than his car. So we had to take two trips to the apartment, one for the bags and one for us. Then we remembered that you had asked for some paper so we stopped and got you some. I will digress here for a moment for the benefit of other readers. The kids at the orphanage, or at least some of them, can craft amazing sculptures out of paper. Alex had asked for some paper the first week we were with him but I misunderstood and thought he wanted lined paper for writing. Then we got caught up in paperwork and adoption things and then off to London. My first failure to you as a parent I guess Alex. Get used to it - I am only human after all.

But in an attempt to redeem myself, I remembered the paper and we stopped and got some today. G3 also got some snacks for everyone to share and extras so you could give them to friends. But by the time we got to the orphanage it was about 12:15. Sasha called us and said it was too late to visit and we wouldn’t have long to stay. He didn’t elaborate so maybe there was some official function that the kids were going to later on, but we were a little disappointed. We wanted to spend more time with you. Boo Hoo! We wished we could have gotten things done with the hotel and apartment quicker, but there was only so fast we could do it.

So, we only got about an hour and a half at the orphanage and in an exciting change for most of that time, the Radzinski’s were there with their kids, Sergei and Max. Since Sergei and you are friends and wanted to be together, Amanda, G3 and I joined in the fun with everyone else and watched you hang out together. We understand that it must be hard for you to be contemplating giving up all that is familiar, even though you want to, it still must be slightly scary. As we watched you though, you seemed so happy and unaffected by all the turmoil and emotions that have been swirling around you. But also you seemed lighter today - as if a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders. I think G3 and I felt like that too. I know you were always worried that we would change our minds or that something would interfere with the adoption and I think we were too. (Ok - not that we would change our minds - we knew we wanted you too much - but that some paperwork issue would prevent it.) But now that you are officially ours - nobody can take you away. It is a done deal and no need to worry! I think we all felt like a weight was lifted because of that.

While we were visiting with everyone, little Max was called to go to sleep. Becky was sad as it seemed like there was too little time to visit with him. But then I remembered a deck of Uno cards that I had in my purse. I brought them out and we all played Uno together. It seems like Uno is a game that most kids over here know. I got the idea from reading other adoption blogs and it was a big hit. One warning to other parents though - these kids are cheaters. You all were hiding cards, trading them between yourselves, and generally trying to win by any means. We caught on pretty fast and tried to put an end to it to general hilarity. We had a lot of fun with Becky and Kevin and you and Sergei - only bad thing was that little Max wasn’t there.

All too soon we had to go - yuck - it seems like we shouldn’t have to say goodbye anymore. And it doesn’t seem fair that you can’t be with us. I really want you with us - you are ours now and we need to start the process of integrating you into our family. What better way to do it than here in your country where you are familiar with your surroundings. The apartment we are in is plenty big, there is room for you. And even if it is just boring time here together, at least it is a start. We have missed out on 14 years together and we don’t have that much time before you are an adult and want your own life. Watching you today made me a little sad when I realized that I am going to have to compress all of the childhood experiences I want you to have into about 5 or so years. But don’t think that just because I am moaning about this that you get rid of us at 18 or 19. You are part of this family forever - we will stick to you like fly paper. I want to be by your side for everything you do. Why do you think I named my company Sticky Tape Press? G4 and Amanda can tell you G3 and I stick like crazy glue! In fact that is where the name of the company came from - G4 accused me one day of being a sticky tape parent!

As you can tell, I am so anxious to start bonding with you. I am so proud of how you are doing with your English. You are really applying yourself and it shows. I was so surprised today with how you were doing. You were understanding us really well and even answered back with a few short sentences. I think you will be speaking English in no time.

Anyway, we left you (Boo Hoo again) and came back to our apartment. We had some problems with the wifi card so G3 walked over to a MTC store to get it straightened out. He also got some food and we spent the rest of the night resting and talking about you and how much we love you and can’t wait to finally be with you all the time!

Love Always,

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

Day 21: Addendum

Dearest Alex,

This is just an addendum to the previous letter but I have enough to say that I could make it into another letter to you. The day just got weirder and weirder, but in a good way.

We didn’t want to leave you but we had to. We went back to the hotel and rested a while, then called the Radzinski’s to meet for dinner. My knee was feeling pretty good so we walked a few blocks to our old haunt, Mamma Mia’s Pizza Restaurant. The servers even recognized us! We were sitting eating, when in walked several American basketball players. We had seen some before at another restaurant in town and Sasha had told us that many come over to play in Europe if they are not drafted into the NBA. We struck up a conversation with them and ended up procuring a promise for some tickets to an upcoming basketball game. We won’t be in town, so I know you will be disappointed, but don’t worry, we will take you to many pro sports games in the US.

G3 figured that the kids at the orphanage would be excited to be able to go to a game and maybe they could be persuaded to come visit the kids at the orphanage. So hopefully we will be able to get something worked out. We will make the contacts but after that, it will be up to the Radzinski’s to carry that ball forward!

Then the MOST embarrassing thing - ok maybe not the most embarrassing thing - that was me falling splat on the sidewalk in London - happened. We tried to pay for dinner and then discovered that the credit card machine was not working. Then when we went to get cash - we discovered that most of our money was back in the hotel in my purse, which I did not bring because of my knee. So, here we had tried to buy dinner for Becky and Kevin to congratulate them in meeting their kids the first time that day, and ended up by filching dinner money off of them.

After finishing dinner, we were walking back to the hotel when we heard some loud bangs. Resisting the urge to fall flat to the pavement and take cover, we looked around and discovered the most spectacular fireworks display. It only lasted a few minutes, but was pretty and a most deserving end to a special day!

Love,

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

Day 21: A New Son - ours officially!

Dearest Alex,

OMG - there is so much to report on today. I know this will be all a review for you, but I know there are many other people waiting to here the results so I will spell it all out in detail.

We woke early and made sure everyone was spic and span. G3 had his best suit, I was in a nice outfit, and Amanda had a skirt on (unbelievable for her!) We went to breakfast and decided there that Amanda should stay at the hotel. No one had said she had to, but she on her own volunteered. I think it worked out for the best as you will see, but I also wanted this to be your special moment. This is the day we have been working so hard for, for so long and I want you to be able to savor it without any distractions to our attentions. It is all about you today Alex!

We were eating breakfast at the hotel restaurant, although frankly, I was too nervous to eat, when in walks Sasha. He said that he had talked to the judge and he would be amenable to waiving the 10 day waiting period. We were so happy as we had heard this hardly ever happens. But I guess there were some extenuating circumstances. There are several days of holidays coming up and and the weekend, so even though the waiting period can be waived, it still can’t take effect until a workday. Then there is my lovely condition which obviously needs medical attention soon (if you could see the black and blue colors today!) 

So we go to the court building, feeling very good about the process. Sasha is telling us there is nothing to worry about. He says the judge doesn’t even need you to come to court and that it will be a short process in the judge’s chambers. Then about 10 minutes later he comes up and says, “Well, the judge wants to see Dima, but no big deal.” Then about 10 minutes later, “Well it is in the main hall, but still no big deal.” G3 and I were a little concerned but we were still calm and collected.

Then you arrived with the orphanage staff and after a little wait, we were ushered into the main courtroom, vintage 1950’s. There was even a little caged area with bars in which criminals sit during their trial. Here is where it started to go downhill. The prosecutor was a young woman, who was obviously having a bad day and decided to take it out on us! She started talking very loudly and waving papers at Sasha. At first, he was calm, but started to get more and more agitated as time went on. Then he turned to me and asked, “Do you have anything that shows your income?” I was floored. I basically am a housewife - I know I have written a book and that it is selling pretty well - about 500 copies so far in two months since it was published - but this by no means is a windfall. I don’t even make enough to pay for gas! And on our tax returns, we show me as losing money (we look it as a small private business) and I haven’t sold enough yet to break even. I hope I will, but my main concern is the children.

So, we replied, no there isn’t anything I can show. Besides, in the dossier there was no mention of anything about my income - it was just ensuring that the family had enough money for another child - not who made it. And we didn’t even include my earnings in the dossier as the book wasn’t even published until March. Then the prosecutor starts waving a manual at Sasha and in his face and pointing to it. They were escalating this whole conversation going back and forth with Sasha asking questions every few minutes of us trying to see if we had documentation that proved my income - and we kept saying - NO. I couldn’t understand what was the problem, as G3 makes more than enough.

But this whole conversation was cut short as the judge came in. He started the proceedings with Sasha translating everything along the way as best as he could. We were read our rights, and then asked to stand while we were introduced. Then the orphanage representative gave a history of you and why you were available for us to adopt. The social worker gave an account and I was feeling a little better. I thought maybe this whole thing would go away. Ha, Ha!

Then G3 was asked to stand and give an introduction to himself and why we wanted you. He was asked a few questions (you probably understood this all better that we did) and then it was my turn. I was asked a few of the same questions and then the prosecutor started in on me. She attacked me with the same questions that she had started in on Sasha with. And a side comment - she never looked at us when she talked to us, she looked at Sasha. I didn’t like her before but this solidified the whole thing. The questions were never-ending and kept coming. I couldn’t figure out what this was for. G3 makes plenty and I would have thought they would be interested in me having time with the kids at home - not out working!

I was getting worked up, and I could tell that Sasha was too - he was sweating like crazy. But he kept saying in a very soothing voice, “Don’t worry, it is ok. Everything is fine.” He was fibbing, but he probably knew that I was ready to beat the prosecutor over the head with my crutches. Finally with a flounce and a big sigh, she sat down and said no further questions. I was really left with a feeling that nobody really knew what was going on. 

Then you got a chance to speak, and it was so heart wrenching. I am not sure exactly what you said, maybe someday you will tell us, but as it was translated, it came through as something like you wanted to be part of our family and you wanted to be our son. However you said it though just brought tears to my eyes, and not just me. One of the jurors was crying as well - it was so heart felt. I think everyone in the courtroom except that nasty prosecutor felt it!

Then the psychologist for the orphanage got up and stated that after you met us the first time at the orphanage, you were so happy that we had come for you and that you were worried that something would stop us from taking you home. She really laid it on! She mentioned how hopeful you were to be adopted by us.

Then the time came for everyone to make any statements. I think everyone except The social worker got up and stated that he felt that there was more than enough  money for us to adopt and that he was in support, the orphanage representative said that as well. Then the prosecutor got on her high horse again and was fussing about my book income. Finally, the judge got angry with her and rolled his eyes and stated there was going to be a 10 minute technical break.

At this point, I was freaking out (and so was Sasha) even though he kept saying it is OK. He asked us to get my computer from our hotel room and bring it over. Thank goodness we had left Amanda at the hotel. Vladimir (our driver) went over and got her. I was worried that she wouldn’t answer to door, but she heard him say Sasha and court so she opened it up and quickly got the computer and wifi card. Meanwhile at court, the prosecutor was stalking around and I was freaking out but no one was really doing anything. Finally the juror that was crying, came down and talked to us - and BTW she spoke perfect English. So BEWARE - talk quietly and assume that everyone on court can understand you.

Anyway, she explained that they needed some documents that showed I had some source of income in case G3 and I divorced, so that I could care for the children. Yea, like my book sales could support even a mouse! And that my book was real - not made up! They even wanted a copy of it - but of course with all the remonstrations to pack light - why would I take a copy of my own book? But apparently they needed something. So G3 was able to pull up the website with my sale numbers from Greenleaf publishers on it and then was able to show them the Barnes and Noble and Amazon websites where it was for sale. We showed these to the prosecutor and the juror was talking to her and finally she just huffed away. There was no indication given about what was going to happen.

When the judge came back in, I was still not entirely sure of what was going on. There was a last discussion from all interested parties. Amanda was there sitting next to you by this time and even the orphanage director pointed out how well she and you got along. Everyone was making a very strong case about supporting the adoption, but when the prosecutor got a chance to speak again -she had to bring up the BOOK!!! Argh!!!!! She did however say that she would accept the virtual representation of the websites that were shown but she said it in such a begrudging voice you could tell she really didn’t want to. Then the judge stated they would recess to conference for the decision.

We did not know at this point how things would go. I was a nervous wreck. I was worried that the adoption would be denied, that we would never get you, etc. The time seemed to go by slowly, but I think it was only about 10 minutes before the judge came back in. He read a lot of things and then stated that the court approved the adoption and that the 10 day waiting period was waived!!!!!! Yay!!!! You were officially ours. I couldn’t believe it. The decision will not take affect until the 3rd of May, the first working day after the holidays, but it was done!

I was in shock I think. I had been so worried, that I still didn’t think it was done. I was still waiting for someone to come out and say - psyche! just joking - you can’t have him! Then before I knew it, you were shuffled off back to the orphanage and we were left standing there on the sidewalk feeling a little pathetic and let down. We felt like something momentous had happened and there we were - slightly beaten and bruised after the proceedings and now you were gone again!

We went back to the hotel and had a quick lunch, then our driver came to pick us up to go see you. We were so excited to see you - really for the first time as officially part of our family. We got to the orphanage and ran into the Radzinski family. We were able to talk for a little bit but them they were ushered into the orphanage director’s office. G3 remarked to me - it seems like that was a lifetime away from us - it seems like we have come so far! Anyway, we sat there for a long while and then finally saw you come around the corner. There was a whole stampede of kids, then you popped your head in the door and said, “Hi Mom, Hi Papa, Bye!” and then ran off down the hallway with the other kids. G3 and I just stared at each other in wonderment. His came partly because it was the first time you referred to him as Papa. But partly in amazement - you certainly fit in our family. There are some t-shirts that say, so and so visited here and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. G3 was joking, we should be wearing shirts that say, I adopted you, spent all this time and money, and all I got was a lousy Hi Mom and hi papa. We laughed, don’t worry, we aren’t mad. We are happy that you are so easy with us! But this was just the weirdest end to the saga!

You must have been doing some official orphanage function because in about 30 minutes you came back. We had a great time visiting you and talking, but all too soon it was time to say good-bye. We came back to the hotel and let me rest my leg up before going out to dinner.

I am just so thankful that everything worked out ok. Sasha just called us and explained that there was a high profile case in Mariupol a little while ago that might have affected this, but he was still looking into it. So heads up to everyone else. Find some way to justify income. It obviously does not have to be a lot, but I guess they need something on the books.

I will end here, happy and excited to have a new son!

We love you more than you will ever know!

Bethany, G3, G4, and Amanda

Day 20: London to Mariupol

Dearest Alex,

Tomorrow is court day! We are really excited. I can’t believe after all this work and time and effort, it all comes down to one man’s decision (the judge). I feel like our whole future lies in his hands. All I can do is to cross my fingers and hope that things go well.

Today we left London, and guess what? It was raining again! We had to take a cab to the train station as I am incapacitated. I had a difficult time walking the distance but was able to hop along with the crutches they gave me. Now, a word about the crutches. They are not regular crutches - they are the 1950’s polio patient kind of arm crutches! I look like I am permanently disabled. But they are actually more comfortable than the kind you put under your arms.

Anyway, we managed to get on the train to Gatwick ok and made it into the terminal without incident. I was starting to hurt more, so we asked for and received the nicest assistance. There was a special security line and a little tram to take me to the gate. What service - I should consider injury more often :) 

The flight to Kiev was uneventful, but the flight to Donetsk was a nightmare. There was some issue with baggage that prevented us from taking off on time but they had already loaded the plane. So we sat there for almost an hour in a small, confined space without any airflow. It was sweltering. And I will just leave the smell to your imagination - remember not everyone shares American abhorrence of body odor.

We finally got to Donetsk and realized that we had missed lunch and dinner. Remember how I said that I would never go to another McDonalds? Well, never say never - we ended up in the drivethru for McDonalds because there was nothing else open at that time of night. So, we had a very healthy dinner of fries and a strawberry shake. Yum, Yum (not).

Anyway, we finally checked into the hotel in Mariupol. We were not in the apartment because no one knows the outcome of tomorrow. We are trying to ask that the 10 day waiting period be waived but we don’t know if it can be. We will find out tomorrow. Also, we don’t know if G3 will have to fly out to Paris or if I will feel well enough to go with him.

That’s all for now - I am tired and need to sleep before court tomorrow!

Looking forward to seeing you,

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

Day 19: Just tripping along

Dearest Alex,

Well, today just solidified it - I really don’t like London. Excessive rain again this morning so Amanda and I just stayed in and caught up on school work. Then we ventured out to Foyles, the biggest book store in the world. It was sublime (every homeschooler’s paradise). We loved every minute, and even stretched out the visit to stay in their cafe.

I didn’t want to leave, but finally had no choice - it was getting too expensive to stay. Then Amanda and I walked around and decided that since it was such a nice day with a little blue sky finally showing - we would walk instead of taking the tube. Famous last decisions!

I have noticed that people here are always rushing and running about. Well, as we were walking (Amanda was ahead of me as always with her long legs and I was rushing to catch up) I tripped over an uneven segment of pavement. And I must add, there seems to be uneven segments of pavement everywhere. Anyway, I was tripping along and thought I could right myself, when a gentleman came running by to catch his bus and knocked me off balance. Well, that was the end! I went sprawling on the pavement, knocking my knee hard on the pavement. Several passersby helped me up and I brushed aside their offers of help, as I was really more embarrassed than anything else. Well, that was until I took the first step - agony coursed through me and my right knee and once I realized I was hurt, I could just feel it swell by the minute. So, after a half an hour where I tried to talk myself out of it, Amanda prevailed and off in a taxi we went to the nearest emergency room.

No offense to the British, but I know why America has a better health care system now. I was seen in pretty short order, but once the xrays were considered without a fracture (not by a radiologist mind you - there wasn’t one on staff at night) - that was the end of it. Even though the doctor admitted there was soft tissue damage (probably a torn ligament) he stated that there were no orthopedists there in the evening, no MRI, and nothing else that could be done. He said the knee was too swollen to brace, but that I should come back in the morning and they would brace it for me. That was it, other than ice and elevation. In America, if there was even a hint of ligament damage, an ortho referral would be made along with an appointment for an MRI. Oh well, maybe that is why we pay so much! But I am secretly glad our system is the way it is - expensive or not, we have the best acute care system in the world. So, I hobbled out of the ER on crutches they gave me. And BTW, the whole thing was free. Anybody from out of the country is free unless they get admitted to the hospital for surgery or something like that. So I basically got a set of crutches for free. Now let’s hope nothing serious is done (I can’t bear weight on the leg) that can’t wait until I get home. We are flying to Ukraine tomorrow!

So, as I am sitting in the ER, I get a phone call from Sasha saying that everything is a go for court on Saturday! YAY! I am super excited about going back to Ukraine and getting moving with this adoption.

See you Saturday,

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

Day 18: London - Rain again!

Dearest Alex,

We are NOT having fun in London. It rained like we were in a hurricane today. ALL DAY! And the wind was awful - the rain was practically horizontal at times with the force of the wind. Amanda and I stayed inside in the morning, catching up on schoolwork and doing laundry.

Finally, when we decided that the rain was just not going to stop, we ventured out determined to stay as dry as possible. We went to Canary Wharf and explored there and then went to the Tower of London. It was amazing, but hard to really experience when you are darting about from covered spot to covered spot trying to avoid being blown into the Thames by the wind. The Crown Jewels were very impressive.

Outside the Tower of London in the only 5 minutes without heavy rain the whole day. Actually it was drizzling but Amanda was tired of wearing a wet coat!

King Henry VIII's set of armour! Awesome!

Finally got to Skype with G4 tonight. It has been hard to get in touch with him because he  has been studying for finals. But they are finally over! We are going to work on bringing him over to Europe to stay with me while I am waiting for your 10 day waiting period to be up. Let’s hope we can work out flights.

Can’t wait to leave London day after tomorrow and get back to Ukraine. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that there will be good news from the SDA about the paperwork!

Love,

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

Day 17: London

Dearest Alex,

Well, the rain wasn’t too bad today. It was on and off all day but more of a drizzle really. Amanda and I went first to Buckingham Palace to see the changing of the guard, then the Queen’s Gallery, and then to tour the Royal Mews (stables). The Mews were fascinating - we got to see the Gold coach that is used to take monarchs to their coronation. It was beautiful.

We then went to Oxford street and did some more shopping! We went to the official store for the Olympics at the John Lewis department store. So much fun! Then onto the London Eye at sunset for a truly spectacular view of London.

Let’s hope the rain goes away tomorrow! Miss you terribly and wish you were here with us.

Love,

Bethany, G3, G4, and Amanda

Pictures

I just seem to be always behind on posting pictures! Here are some from our trip to the British Museum. They had a display of medals from the upcoming Olympics. Amanda was wowed with them - she has her eye on 2020!

We toured the entire Egyptian section (the biggest collection outside of the Cairo museum) and then spent a lot of time in the Assyrian, ancient Greek and Roman areas.

Day 16: London - Shop til you Drop

Dearest Alex,

Another rainy day in London! I swear, someone should have warned me that we were traveling to Europe in monsoon season. Rain has followed us everywhere! Good thing I packed those travel umbrellas.

This morning Amanda and I took the tube into Kensington to go shopping at Harrods. Six floors of fun. We have never had so much fun going through a department store. There was a pet area that shames anything in America. There were more outfits for dogs alone than a whole Nordstrom’s. Then their food area! Oh my! The only problem was the prices. We saw a scarf for 1099 pounds (about $1600). Really? For a scarf? We did find some fun things in the toy area - some Doctor Who items that G4 will love.

Afterwards, we found ourselves near the Baden-Powell house. Since G4 Eagled last year, we thought that we should go and look at the museum and take a tour of his house. Wrong! Several years ago, it was turned into a youth hostel. There is still a conference center there and a small exhibit - but no museum. We were a little disappointed.

Then on to a traditional English tea with the most sublime lemongrass teas and delicious scones and clotted creme at a teahouse called Bumpkins. And then back to the apartment for Amanda to get in her Physics class. She has opted to go to another section that meets in the evening European time (rather than getting up in the middle of the night).

We really miss you Alex (or Dima). We go back and forth calling you both names!  We want to show you all of these sights and feel bad that you are not here with us. I was just reflecting how much you are a part of our life now even though you are not physically here. We got word today that the court date has been set for the 28th. This is great news - now we just have to hope that the SDA gets the paperwork back in time.

I have taken some of this time that we have been separated from you to think more about how we will teach you and integrate you into our family. Emotions are not as running rampant as when I am near you and just want to baby and cuddle you (probably much to your disgust!) It is easier for me to be more objective away from you right now! I know that you have been in survival mode in the orphanage since you have been there and have become somewhat hardened to life. It shows when we are with you - you tend to act very much more like an adult than we expect. However, at times you are very much a little boy - almost like on one level your maturing stopped at 12 when you went in the orphanage. I want to give those years back to you - where you are just carefree and loving life knowing that you are loved, rather than just surviving. But I know it will be a delicate balance as you are used to hard core video games, smoking, explicit music, and other things that are foreign to us. You will think I am babying you for a while and taking away fun things, but I promise I will replace them with other things like a family, travel, movies, sports, etc. Hopefully this will not be too traumatic to you! But know that we are doing it for your own good - not to be mean or restrictive. We will show you that fun and games can be had in other ways.

I was also thinking more about the time in Mariupol. I treasured those days - that were pretty lazy days really. It was fun doing things with Amanda, school work and games. G3 spent most of the time working on his computer but Amanda and I lazed about. It was great time for us - I think it will prove to be very useful in the future to have spent this time bonding with her as I am sure there will be times when I am super busy with you. Hopefully there will not be too much sibling rivalry, but I am sure that there will be some jealousy!

Note to adoptive families: go prepared for a lot of down time. It is hard to disconnect from your life for several weeks - but that is what you have to do. Things just move at a different pace and they take on less meaning when you are away. I just got an email the other day that my book won a book award - the First Horizon Award for debut authors. I was over the moon with this news, but it just seems not as important here. Weird, but true. I am looking forward to getting back home to a normal life at some point - but I will always treasure the time when the most important thing in my day was to go visit with you for a few hours!

Love,

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

Day 15: London - Happy Birthday Amanda

Dearest Alex,

Happy 13th Birthday to Amanda!!!!

We gave her the few presents we were able to pack and then off the see some sights. We started with the Portobello Market (where Paddington Bear used to shop) and then on to Regents Park and the London Zoo. It rained on and off all day, alternating between sun and warmth and then freezing winds and rain. Weird weather.

Then we rode a double decker bus and got off at Trafalger Square. I have never seen such a mass of people in my life. If this is the way the city is now, I would hate to see it during the Olympics! We walked around and stumbled upon a vegetarian Indian restaurant that was delicious. We have never had Indian food that good.

Then we walked to Picadilly Circus and on a whim decided to check out one of the theatres. The Crittendon Theatre was playing a comedy, The 39 Steps, which looked good, so 10 minutes before the show, we walked up to the box office and got tickets! It was a great play, and we got great seats - front row of the balcony. But after the show, we were all tired out. We have been spoiled in Ukraine with a car and driver. Our feet hurt from all the walking here. So back to the apartment to collapse.

Hope you had a great birthday Amanda!

Love,

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

Day 14: Kiev to London

Dearest Alex,

We left Kiev this morning and flew to London. It was an easy flight, on time, and without any delays. When we got to London, we had booked a bus service to get into London since the airport we flew into (Gatwick) was so far out. We were able to get on an earlier bus without any problems, but here the problems ended. The bus left us off in West London, nowhere near Central London like we thought. There were no taxis around and we were still a ways from the hotel. Then it started to rain!

We walked a few blocks to a tube station and bought tickets for the tube, but then it was a workout muscling all of our suitcases up and down the stairs and onto the train - in the rain - since it was an outside station. We were able to figure out where we were going, dismayed to find out there was a change of line - so more muscling bags up and down stairs and escalators, finally to arrive at our stop. Now the hotel was actually an apartment service that rented out apartments. So we didn’t realize this and spent an hour walking around (in the rain and wind now) trying to find it. We finally found the reception desk only to be told that the apartment was not in the vicinity - about a 15 minute walk away. So, at this point (with continued rain and wind) we decided to catch a taxi. The taxi driver spent 15 minutes driving around and finally said, “Here it is - it is down this walkway.” So we got out only to discover that indeed the taxi driver did NOT know where the apartment was and had dropped us off near it but without knowing exactly. The rain had stopped during the ride thank goodness, but we spent the next 30 minutes wandering around (of course there was no one else around) trying to find the apartment building. We finally found it, just in time, as G3 had a business meeting that he had to get to.

Amanda and I relaxed and then when there was a break in the rain, we ran out to a local market to get some food. Of course the moment we stepped out of the apartment building - it started raining - hard! But we got back ok and then flipped on BBC only to find G4’s favorite show, Top Gear, on. We had fun watching TV and then when G4 got back at about 7:30pm, we had dinner.

All in all a really trying day! But we are anxious to start sightseeing tomorrow!

Love,

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

Day 13: Mariupol to Kiev

Dearest Alex (?),

I am wondering whether I should start calling you Alex now. I guess I will try to think of you as such until I can ask you again. But you said that is what you wanted the last time we asked you - so that is what I will go with.

Today was very hard emotionally, having to leave you behind. I know that G3 has to do work, and I know that we had planned ahead of time to travel some, but now that we have been here and spent time with you, it doesn’t seem right to leave without you! We did stop by the orphanage to try to see you one more time before we went but you were not out of school yet. Bummer.

We spent the morning packing up and getting ready. We had taken a bag filled with clothes for you, but we really don’t need to be taking it all over Europe, so our driver, Sasha, was nice enough to take it and another bag we don’t need and store it for us while we are gone. We packed up the rest of our stuff and I did the last load of laundry since we will be in a hotel for a week in London. No laundry facilities there.

Sasha (driver Sasha) picked us up and took us to Donetsk to catch our flight. It is about a 1 and a half hour drive and we were making excellent time until - boom. The car started swerving all over the road and we heard a flapping in the rear of the car. We had blown a tire! We were in a 5-6 year old Chevy Aveo that had been converted to run on natural gas. (My environmentally conscious self liked this fact.) So half of the trunk was taken up by the other gas tank, and all of our luggage was thrown in around it. So we pulled over to the side of the road (highway?) and got out hoping that he had a spare. Which he did - yay! Boy, he must be used to this as he whipped the luggage out of the trunk, got out the spare and in less than 10 minutes we were back on the road. We got a look at the old tire before he put it back and saw that it was just plain worn out - almost bald.

So no delays! We were lucky, getting to the airport at 4:30 for a 5:40pm flight. We managed to get checked in and on the plane in record time and made it to Kiev just on time. We met Alex ( the other Alex - or as he says - the 1st Alex)  at the airport. He had worked a morning flight but had gotten back at 3:00pm and was able to change and relax before meeting us. The hotel (Hotel Korona) had a shuttle service that wasn’t too expensive, about 70 hrivnas (about 9 dollars) so we were able to just hop in and go right to the hotel. We were tired, so Alex joined us for dinner right in the hotel restaurant, before heading back to his apartment.

I just want to make a plug again to the other adoptive families to bring an earth bag!!!! Trust me - it will be the best few ounces you carry here. I have used that thing every day: to go the market so I don’t have to pay for a bag, to take things back and forth to the orphanage, and make you look like a local since everyone carries some sort of satchel. It has been so handy! Also, the toilet paper and wipes I had thought were so important have somewhat not been as needed as they were on my last visit to Ukraine 6 years ago. Most places believe it or not have had relatively clean facilities. I have only seen the holes in the ground once. Even the airport in Donetsk (which is like flying in and out of Provo) had a very clean bathroom with nice toilet paper (not the brown stuff they used to have). I still have carried them everywhere and I would recommend bringing some - but if you forget - not the end of the world.

We have to get up early tomorrow for our flight to London, so I will end it here.

We love you,

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

Our poor tire - all blown out! 

An intersection in Mariupol near our apartment. Really pretty city - they just need to fix the pollution problem.

Day 12: last day in Mariupol for now

Dearest Dima,

My heart is heavy today as I know that this is the last time we will see you until the court date. Our paperwork went in to Kiev without incident and we also filled out the application to petition the court as well. So everything is moving along. There are a number of holidays coming up in May and it is our plan to be done with court before the holidays so they can pass during the 10 day waiting period. Because of holidays, if we do not get court done on the 28th of April, we will be moved all the way to the 7th of May. Then the 10 day waiting period will kick in. I was worried before that you would be 22 before we got over here - now I am worried that I will be 72 before I get home! But, Sasha said he was 80% sure that we would get court on the 28th. So, let’s hope!

The other problem that is facing us is the fact that the State Department of Adoptions has moved offices in the government - not physically, but in terms of hierarchy. They used to allow 5 days to get the court permission back, but now with the change, they have 10 business days. Sasha is hoping that it won’t be that long, but again, we really can’t be sure.

So, back to the day. We have decided to travel to London tomorrow as G3 needs to go into his London office. He had saved up work overseas to do for a while, and we are closer here than at home. I know it makes good sense, but I don’t want to leave you. I have grown accustomed to our daily visits and will miss them terribly. I know that soon this all will be a distant dream, and in no time once we are home it will seem like you have always been there, but for now, all I have are these small visits to sustain our relationship. It doesn’t seem like enough. I also worry that you will fear that we are not coming back, but I promise you that we ARE coming back. I will be counting the days until we return.

Anyway, enough maudlin meanderings! This was the first day that we arrived at the orphanage without Sasha, so we weren’t quite sure what to do, but there is a nice security guard that is always on duty that took us under his wing and got us to the visiting room and signed in appropriately. Today we were excited to hear that your soccer game went well, your team won 1-0. It seems like your foot is better. You weren’t limping as much today. We worked on flash cards again today and I am so proud of how good you are getting with your English. I can tell that you are really motivated (and we sweetened the pot by promising you a computer once you know English pretty well). We met one of your friends today, a lovely young lady, who gave us a picture and seemed very nice. Several people came into to see you as we were working with you and they all seemed very nice. It is hard not to get jealous of these interruptions, as we get so little time with you, but on the other hand, everyone seems to want to check us out and make sure we are appropriate parent material for you!

As for the name problem. We had brainstormed and asked all our friends to brainstorm and had come up with a list of about 20 possibilities. None of them were really clear winners, but we all agreed upon Dimitri Alexander Gardiner, Nicholas Dimitri Gardiner, and Alexei Dimitri Gardiner. Those were the current frontrunners in our book. So when we saw you, that of course was the first thing we asked, “Have you thought about a name?” Without any hesitation you answered, “ Alexei Dimitri Gardiner.” So, that turned out fine. Done deal - you also said that you wanted to be called Alex - so now I guess this blog will become Dearest Alex?

And now what are we going to do with Alex? He is going to be ticked off!!! Especially if we call him old Alex! He still feels 16! So maybe Alex 1 and Alex 2? And I wonder how hard it is going to be to break the habit of calling you Dima? Well, when we get back, we will have to see what your preference is and try our best to do it.

So, after all to short a time, Sasha arrived and announced that since we had a name we had to hurry and make our petition for a court date. We were bummed - not wanting to leave you of course! We said good-bye and made sure Sasha told you that we were coming back for court. I hope you understood that and don’t harbor any misgivings! In our hearts, you are ours - even if we need a piece of paper to make it official. I think you are recognizing it to, you now regularly call me mom - but every time I hear it - I turn into a little pile of goo. Pretty soon I will be a shapeless mass of maternal sentimental feelings!

After doing the court paperwork, we came back to the apartment to visit with Sasha a little before parting ways the next day. He is on his way to Ludansk (sp?) to look into some paperwork for another family, while we are driving to Donetsk to catch the first leg of our trip to London. We peppered him with questions about all kinds of things - the court date, the 10 day waiting period, the visit to your grandmother, etc. Poor guy - but he rallied and we made some tentative plans, everything hinging of course on the court date.

I finished up the night by doing some laundry, packing your bags (which we will leave here), and packing our bags for the trip. I must admit that even though it has only been not even 2 weeks - it feels like it has been a much longer trip. Maybe the emotional component makes it so trying? But it has been very tiring so far. And I have probably a month more to go!

Counting the days until we get back,

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda

Proud Papa!

Here is a picture of a market about a 2 block walk from our apartment in Mariupol.

Here is a picture of a restaurant we have gone to a few times. I feel guilty eating pizza here halfway around the world, but we have also eaten a lot of local foods. And we were just craving a pizza the other day. They have really, really good pizza and delicious risotto.