Sorry I haven't posted in a while but life has been a little hectic. Amanda has been fighting a wicked stomach flu for the past 3 days. It had her so weak yesterday that she could barely move - but she was brave and went forward with the Demo team competition. She is one of the highest ranking members on the team and does sword, nunchucks, bo staff, and a blindfolded board breaking routine that would leave the team a little bereft without her. She gave her all - I am so proud of her. Lesser kids would have thrown in the towel and given up.
Here is a link to the youtube video that we took on a phone - not a great resolution but it is enough to get an idea of the team. They all did such a great job - I am so proud of all of them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poon6nNj3lQ
They really pulled together and the 7th place finish is nothing to cry about - the competition was really tough and they tried their best.
Unfortunately, she seems to have passed the bug to G3, who is down and out now too. So I am the glue holding everyone together! Let's hope I don't succumb too. We are back at the competition today to support friends and train. Amanda's big day is tomorrow!
Thank goodness G4 and Alex seem fine. They are being good and supportive - I will update tomorrow.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Things look up
We are all exhausted! We got in at 3:00 am. We spent some time ogling the stars in the Nevada desert at a rest area and it made us late, but we couldn't help it, they were so beautiful away from the city lights. G4 was a trooper and drove the last 2 hours for us - G4 and I are not as young as we used to be and 12 hours of driving gets old!
Today, we ended up by sleeping in a little more than we expected. G4's office sent out a notice that their air conditioning was broken so he decided to work from home. I decided to just leave the dogs at their 'pet resort' since we are just turning around and leaving in 3 days, and Amanda's private lesson at 8 am was canceled. Thank goodness! We felt a little more human after sleeping in to 9:00 am, but are still pretty tired.
Alex has been in a great mood today. He was a little miffed early on because he wanted his friend Sergei to come over. But before we left on the trip , he was punished for being 40 minutes late with Sergei on their last outing. We told him that as punishment, he would have to miss seeing his friend while we were home for these few days. He must have been suffering from convenient memory loss because he acted like he had never been told. He was trying to tell me that he lost track of time and that he could not teleport from one place to another! He actually used the word teleport! I was pretty impressed until I realized that he had probably just picked it up from TV or a movie. Then he tried to tell me that Sergei's mom, Becky, had said yes to them getting together. Smart thing I double checked that one - because that was a whopper of a mistruth. Then he started with the, "You no love me," and I exploded. I know the difference between manipulation and reassurance and this was manipulation. I tried to talk to him but he was playing on the computer so I took it away. Then the phone rang and it was Sergei. I told him that I was waiting to talk so he said goodbye to Sergei. I started to talk and then heard some noise and realized that he had not hung up but had just put the phone down and was waiting for me to finish like I was some kind of nuisance in his life. Well, I flipped out! I started crying and stalked out of the room.
I think I scared Alex because about 5 minutes later, he came and found me in my bedroom, crying as I was unpacking suitcases. Chalk it up to hormones, tiredness, etc. but I was stressed out. He pulled me close, dried my tears, and hugged me tight. He kept saying over and over, "I love you mom. You no cry." I calmed down and said ok, but he stuck to me like glue for about an hour, helping me unpack and put things away (ok more like watching me and messing things up - but he did help a little). Then later, he tapped his head and said, "I smart. You cry, you no love me. You no cry, you love me." I started laughing and said, "That won't work, I cry all the time." and he just answered, "Women!"
I had to take Amanda to TKD for training and when I got home, found the boys all agog at a present G3 had bought for Alex. He had bought him an air pistol or something like that. Maybe BB gun? There was also a paint ball gun too. (I think) I don't know as I abhor all kinds of guns, play or otherwise. But it must be something good as they were all exclaiming over it and he was stroking it like it was a baby or something.
Then he convinced me to go out to the hillside with him and shoot it. I didn't want to, but I got the please, mom, please. So I went out. There is an abandoned building near our house where someone has spray painted an outline of a person on it. He took aim and was so excited to hit the head. Then he insisted that I do it - proud to say I got a perfect head shot. I think it surprised him, he said, "Wow, mom." I told him that just because I didn't approve, didn't mean I wasn't capable! But I made sure that G3 gave him the talk of no aiming or shooting at any animals or property. The guns will disappear if I see that!
Anyway, all in all, I was pleased that he seemed to take the discipline well, and that he didn't get overly upset with me getting upset. He was concerned about me, but he also seemed more secure in his responses this time. We are definitely making progress!
Today, we ended up by sleeping in a little more than we expected. G4's office sent out a notice that their air conditioning was broken so he decided to work from home. I decided to just leave the dogs at their 'pet resort' since we are just turning around and leaving in 3 days, and Amanda's private lesson at 8 am was canceled. Thank goodness! We felt a little more human after sleeping in to 9:00 am, but are still pretty tired.
Alex has been in a great mood today. He was a little miffed early on because he wanted his friend Sergei to come over. But before we left on the trip , he was punished for being 40 minutes late with Sergei on their last outing. We told him that as punishment, he would have to miss seeing his friend while we were home for these few days. He must have been suffering from convenient memory loss because he acted like he had never been told. He was trying to tell me that he lost track of time and that he could not teleport from one place to another! He actually used the word teleport! I was pretty impressed until I realized that he had probably just picked it up from TV or a movie. Then he tried to tell me that Sergei's mom, Becky, had said yes to them getting together. Smart thing I double checked that one - because that was a whopper of a mistruth. Then he started with the, "You no love me," and I exploded. I know the difference between manipulation and reassurance and this was manipulation. I tried to talk to him but he was playing on the computer so I took it away. Then the phone rang and it was Sergei. I told him that I was waiting to talk so he said goodbye to Sergei. I started to talk and then heard some noise and realized that he had not hung up but had just put the phone down and was waiting for me to finish like I was some kind of nuisance in his life. Well, I flipped out! I started crying and stalked out of the room.
I think I scared Alex because about 5 minutes later, he came and found me in my bedroom, crying as I was unpacking suitcases. Chalk it up to hormones, tiredness, etc. but I was stressed out. He pulled me close, dried my tears, and hugged me tight. He kept saying over and over, "I love you mom. You no cry." I calmed down and said ok, but he stuck to me like glue for about an hour, helping me unpack and put things away (ok more like watching me and messing things up - but he did help a little). Then later, he tapped his head and said, "I smart. You cry, you no love me. You no cry, you love me." I started laughing and said, "That won't work, I cry all the time." and he just answered, "Women!"
I had to take Amanda to TKD for training and when I got home, found the boys all agog at a present G3 had bought for Alex. He had bought him an air pistol or something like that. Maybe BB gun? There was also a paint ball gun too. (I think) I don't know as I abhor all kinds of guns, play or otherwise. But it must be something good as they were all exclaiming over it and he was stroking it like it was a baby or something.
Then he convinced me to go out to the hillside with him and shoot it. I didn't want to, but I got the please, mom, please. So I went out. There is an abandoned building near our house where someone has spray painted an outline of a person on it. He took aim and was so excited to hit the head. Then he insisted that I do it - proud to say I got a perfect head shot. I think it surprised him, he said, "Wow, mom." I told him that just because I didn't approve, didn't mean I wasn't capable! But I made sure that G3 gave him the talk of no aiming or shooting at any animals or property. The guns will disappear if I see that!
Anyway, all in all, I was pleased that he seemed to take the discipline well, and that he didn't get overly upset with me getting upset. He was concerned about me, but he also seemed more secure in his responses this time. We are definitely making progress!
My heart breaks
We have had a great, busy weekend in California. We are currently driving home - the interminable drive across I-80. Since I have time, I decided to use these miles to catch up on the blog.
Alex really liked San Francisco. I’m glad, because we all love the bay area and come here almost with any excuse that we can make. On Friday, I pried the kids out of bed and made it to the kick-off party for graduation weekend. For those of you who don’t know, Amanda takes a few classes at an online high school run by Stanford University. We have had a long-standing relationship with this school, G4 took some classes here several years ago before he left to go to college at 14. But by that time, Amanda was old enough and had gotten accepted. They have great online classes taught by professors at Stanford, but because it is an online school, it is hard to have get-togethers. So the graduation weekend every year is a big deal, as kids from all grades come to see their friends in person. I am also a member of the parent association and was on the graduation committee, so I was involved as well. And finally, this was the group of kids that G4 would have graduated with, if he had continued in high school, so for all of us, this weekend had special meaning.
The kick-off event was at a Malibu Grand Prix, a place with go-karts, video games, and mini-golf. I was working the check-in table so I couldn’t just hang out with the kids, but Alex and Amanda had fun and participated with the others. I was worried that Alex would feel left out, but it all worked out and he had a good time. The only down side was that G4 and I got so sunburned! Amanda was a little pink and of course, golden boy just looked great after a day in the sun!
After leaving the kick-off event, we had only an hour before rushing back to the hotel to get changed for the awards ceremony. Alex was tired and asked to stay behind, so we allowed him to rest. He really wouldn’t have understood much of anything anyway. Amanda was recognized at the ceremony and we were happy and proud of her. She also received a special award for her participation on the school science bowl team. After the ceremony was over, we went back to the hotel to pick up Alex and go out to dinner. He is becoming much more comfortable with going out to eat, we have noticed, and is eating less reluctantly.
On Saturday, I was up bright and early getting ready for a speaking engagement. The Solano county library system had asked me to speak (and it is great publicity for my book), they had ordered quite a few copies to stock in their libraries. G4 volunteered to go with me which I was grateful for. It is always good to be able to show off a successful homeschooling graduate! The talk went well and was well-attended. On the way back to Palo Alto, G4 talked me into going by to visit one of his friends in the model railroad business. He wanted me to see this guy’s layout. I have to say - it was spectacular. This gentleman had converted his entire basement into a floor to ceiling recreation of New York in WW II. It was really amazing.
We made it back to the hotel in time to change and then dash off to the graduation weekend event that I was running - Pixel Olympics! Unfortunately it was on the Stanford campus in the very middle where there was no parking! We had to tote all of the food and drinks and supplies a very long way to the field. However, it turned out great! The Latin club had gotten together and built a trebuchet that they brought where we launched off raw eggs in containers as a physics challenge. There were some rocket launchers that worked off of pressurized air and a bunch of field games that kids, family members, and faculty participated in. Everyone had a great time. Alex was his usual darling self, charming the pants off of everyone. He and G3 threw around a football for a while, and then he hung around me, helping out. It was a great event overall.
We retired back to the hotel where we had two connecting rooms. The kids hosted a board game party in their room for the kids that either were to young or did not want to go to prom, and we hosted the adults in our room with plenty of good California wine! We had a great time visiting with friends and the kids had a great time too. Alex even joined in for a while with the other kids. Several other parents who we had known for a while remarked at how happy he seemed. They also noted how attached he was to me. As usual, every 20-30 minutes or so, he had to poke his head into our room and make eye contact or physically touch me. I think these good observations cursed us however, because soon I noticed that he was getting overwhelmed. Too much fun and activity. He asked me to go down and sit outside by the pool with him. We did that for a while and all of a sudden, he asked to go for a drive. I really didn’t want to - it was midnight at this point, but I felt something building in him and finally said ok. He mentioned that he loved just going for a drive. Our hotel was just on the edge of Stanford, so I drove onto the campus which was dead at that time. He was in a talking mood again.
He told me that I was a good mom to him. He then said his one mom (birth mom) and two mom (step mom) were not good. I really didn’t know what to say. I just reached over and grabbed his hand and said that I was sorry. It didn't seem like enough. He went on to say his one mom left him and his two mom would beat him. He told me that every morning before he went to school, she would beat him. He was tearing up as he recounted when he was 8 and 9 years old asking her why she hit him all the time and her ignoring him. Then he told me that once she hit him so hard, he went to sleep. I assume he meant knocked unconscious. I was horrified but just squeezed his hand and said that I was so sorry. Then he told me that he took up boxing when he was 11 and got big enough so that no one else could ever beat him. My heart was breaking. I am sure I should have said more, but I was so choked up that I couldn’t. By this time we were back at the hotel. When I got out of the car, I just walked around and held him tight. I told him that I loved him and he hugged me back and said, “You good mom.”
This morning however, he seemed surly and in a foul mood. I know part of it is a lack of sleep - we have really been burning the candle at both ends this weekend, but I think part of it was a protective mechanism. I think he was regretting telling me some of these things. He pulled me aside during the morning and told me, “You big people. All big people say they love, but love not real for them. Maybe 1 month, 2 month, but not real.” I guess he was trying to say that adults really don’t mean what they say. I can understand this better in light of what he told me the night before, but I was feeling a little raw myself. I just answered back, “I know how much I love you. I love you a lot and it is forever. I will not leave you or hurt you. I loved you the first time I saw you at the park last year.” He grabbed my arms and looked into my eyes for a long time and finally said, “Maybe you love me.” I just looked back at him but didn’t say anything. He just kept looking at me and then said, “Probably you love me.” I hugged him and just said, “Yes, I love you.”
This interchange seemed to turn him around. I think he was feeling that if he keeps pushing us away, when we eventually leave him like everybody else, he won’t be that hurt. I think the fact that we are not withdrawing from him is confusing. He is gradually starting to realize that we are here forever, but it is baby steps! He was in a much better mood for the rest of the car ride. I rode in back for a while while G3 and G4 were in front. Alex and I joked around and were laughing a lot. He seemed happy and carefree again. At one point he just looked at me and said, "I happy." I wish that I could bottle his enthusiasm for life. I am still constantly amazed at his resiliency and adaptability. I hope we are peeling away the layers of his scars and getting down to the bottom so that we can start healing from the inside out.
We finished up our trip with a test drive at the Tesla factory of their new model S sedan. G3 has one on order - hopefully he will have his by September or October. I was a good mom and gave the seats in the test drive to the kids. G3 got to drive! It was a great time and everyone really enjoyed it.
As I write this, we are in the Nevada desert with still too many hours to go on our trip. We should get home by 2:00 am and then starts the crazy training schedule for Amanda this week. We all fly out to Dallas Thursday, so that she can compete Friday, Saturday and Sunday at Nationals. We will keep you updated....
Thursday, June 21, 2012
San Francisco and a love/hate list
Despite a very late start to the day (primarily because Alex and I didn't want to get out of bed), we got a lot of sightseeing in. I drove Alex down Lombard Street, went to Golden Gate Park, ate massive sundaes at Ghiradelli Soda Fountain, went up in Coit Tower, bought sourdough bread at Boudin's on the wharf, and ate dinner and shopped in Chinatown. It was a really fun day, but the crowning glory was finding a Russian supermarket. Alex was like a little kid running up and down the aisles throwing things in a basket. I suggested he call his friend back in Utah (Sergei) and see if he wanted anything. Well, that resulted in another basket of things!
As we were fighting traffic and driving around, I was thinking of all the things I love about Alex. But I also have to be realistic - there are a lot of things I hate also. Then I realized, they are almost the same things, just in different amounts. So I will do a top 10 love/hate list. This should cover the basics!
10. Smarts - Alex is smart. He is bright and quick, but he hates school work and hates schedules. The schedule part I am good with, but the lack of schoolwork has to change.
9. Athletic - I am proud of how active and strong Alex is. Everyday he wants to show me his muscles so that I can proclaim how much bigger they are. He is always biking, jogging, jumping on a trampoline, jump roping, or at kickboxing. However, the flip side is that he often needs someone to do these activities with him or drive him and sit and watch. This gets tiring (really fast). He was even suggesting to me that once we get home from vacation, that I should work out with him. I just said no, but I didn't have the heart to tell him that the only place I like to run is back and forth to the fridge!
8. Music - He really loves his music. I like this and have really enjoyed exploring new genres and introducing him to our music. Our tastes are pretty eclectic, he even liked some of the African music we listen to. But, even though I like music, when it is so loud that my ears are ringing after getting out of the car? I mean, really?
7. Immaturity - I know that Alex had to grow up too quick, but there is a huge streak of immaturity there. It is almost like he stopped developing when he went into the orphanage. It makes for a fun little kid at times. I like that, because when you adopt an older child, you miss a lot. This gives me the chance to catch up and put my stamp on some parts of his growing up. But, the other side of this is well, immaturity. Sometimes, you don't have time to deal with it and it gets annoying.
6. Maturity - I know this sounds ridiculous coming on the heels of the immaturity, but there it is. These kids are an interesting mix! Alex is so mature sometimes. I can rely on him in certain circumstances because I know he will come through for me. But the other side of this is sadness that he is too mature and had to grow up too quickly. I realize that there is no going back on some things and I regret that I missed a chance to parent through them.
5. Hygiene - I love the fact that Alex is a clean person. We haven't had to deal with any major hygiene issues, thank goodness. However, he has to shower morning, night, and sometimes in between. And the money we spend on Axe body spray! He reeks of it every time he goes out. We are going to need to take out a loan to pay for the body care products!
4. Good-looking - Alex is a doll and he knows it. I can't believe though how irritating it can be at times. We were walking along the street after dinner tonight in Chinatown, when a car pulls up across the street. It was a red Corvette and had two pretty young blond girls in it. I was immediately on high alert. I noticed Alex perk up and look over, when to my surprise the driver winks at him. He winks back and then the passenger leans over and waves at him. He noticed me watching and just blushed and walked on without responding. I have a HUGE problem in my hands here! Sometimes I wish he wasn't so cute - can't wait to get those braces on!
3. Not being a morning person - I considered this for number 1, but even though I love sleeping, I will have to admit, there are things more important. But not many! I love the fact that Alex likes to sleep in as much as I do, but then when it goes into the late afternoon? Needing a crowbar to pry him out of bed at 2:00 in the afternoon is excessive! We will have to work on somewhat of a loose schedule at some point - like maybe up by 11:00 am.
2. His sense of humor - Alex is the most fun person to be around I have ever met. He is happy go lucky and always up for a joke. Now that I know more Russian, I am picking up on all kinds of little jokes that he makes. He really is funny and once he knows more English, I know that he will fit in our family (with our heavy sarcasm) just fine. However, the flip side is the joking sometimes never ends. He doesn't know when enough is enough and has trouble settling down when it is needed.
1. Love - I can't say enough how I treasure his love. At least 50 times a day I hear the words, "I love you Mom." I feel so honored to be the recipient of his affection. I know that he does not give it lightly and I know that he really does love me. I am so thankful that he has the capacity for love and affection and that his scars do not run deep enough to have affected this. However, the flip side is the how much he needs in return! At least 100 times a day he needs affirmation of my love for him. I know that he has not had much affirmation in the past and craves it. And I know that he needs the constancy of a family, but there are times when I need a break. The emotional burden is hard to bear and there are times when I feel like I bear it for both of us.
Funny how the best things about a person can also be the worst! But I am happy to be getting to know Alex so well! Everyday he seems more and more like a true member of our family!
As we were fighting traffic and driving around, I was thinking of all the things I love about Alex. But I also have to be realistic - there are a lot of things I hate also. Then I realized, they are almost the same things, just in different amounts. So I will do a top 10 love/hate list. This should cover the basics!
10. Smarts - Alex is smart. He is bright and quick, but he hates school work and hates schedules. The schedule part I am good with, but the lack of schoolwork has to change.
9. Athletic - I am proud of how active and strong Alex is. Everyday he wants to show me his muscles so that I can proclaim how much bigger they are. He is always biking, jogging, jumping on a trampoline, jump roping, or at kickboxing. However, the flip side is that he often needs someone to do these activities with him or drive him and sit and watch. This gets tiring (really fast). He was even suggesting to me that once we get home from vacation, that I should work out with him. I just said no, but I didn't have the heart to tell him that the only place I like to run is back and forth to the fridge!
8. Music - He really loves his music. I like this and have really enjoyed exploring new genres and introducing him to our music. Our tastes are pretty eclectic, he even liked some of the African music we listen to. But, even though I like music, when it is so loud that my ears are ringing after getting out of the car? I mean, really?
7. Immaturity - I know that Alex had to grow up too quick, but there is a huge streak of immaturity there. It is almost like he stopped developing when he went into the orphanage. It makes for a fun little kid at times. I like that, because when you adopt an older child, you miss a lot. This gives me the chance to catch up and put my stamp on some parts of his growing up. But, the other side of this is well, immaturity. Sometimes, you don't have time to deal with it and it gets annoying.
6. Maturity - I know this sounds ridiculous coming on the heels of the immaturity, but there it is. These kids are an interesting mix! Alex is so mature sometimes. I can rely on him in certain circumstances because I know he will come through for me. But the other side of this is sadness that he is too mature and had to grow up too quickly. I realize that there is no going back on some things and I regret that I missed a chance to parent through them.
5. Hygiene - I love the fact that Alex is a clean person. We haven't had to deal with any major hygiene issues, thank goodness. However, he has to shower morning, night, and sometimes in between. And the money we spend on Axe body spray! He reeks of it every time he goes out. We are going to need to take out a loan to pay for the body care products!
4. Good-looking - Alex is a doll and he knows it. I can't believe though how irritating it can be at times. We were walking along the street after dinner tonight in Chinatown, when a car pulls up across the street. It was a red Corvette and had two pretty young blond girls in it. I was immediately on high alert. I noticed Alex perk up and look over, when to my surprise the driver winks at him. He winks back and then the passenger leans over and waves at him. He noticed me watching and just blushed and walked on without responding. I have a HUGE problem in my hands here! Sometimes I wish he wasn't so cute - can't wait to get those braces on!
3. Not being a morning person - I considered this for number 1, but even though I love sleeping, I will have to admit, there are things more important. But not many! I love the fact that Alex likes to sleep in as much as I do, but then when it goes into the late afternoon? Needing a crowbar to pry him out of bed at 2:00 in the afternoon is excessive! We will have to work on somewhat of a loose schedule at some point - like maybe up by 11:00 am.
2. His sense of humor - Alex is the most fun person to be around I have ever met. He is happy go lucky and always up for a joke. Now that I know more Russian, I am picking up on all kinds of little jokes that he makes. He really is funny and once he knows more English, I know that he will fit in our family (with our heavy sarcasm) just fine. However, the flip side is the joking sometimes never ends. He doesn't know when enough is enough and has trouble settling down when it is needed.
1. Love - I can't say enough how I treasure his love. At least 50 times a day I hear the words, "I love you Mom." I feel so honored to be the recipient of his affection. I know that he does not give it lightly and I know that he really does love me. I am so thankful that he has the capacity for love and affection and that his scars do not run deep enough to have affected this. However, the flip side is the how much he needs in return! At least 100 times a day he needs affirmation of my love for him. I know that he has not had much affirmation in the past and craves it. And I know that he needs the constancy of a family, but there are times when I need a break. The emotional burden is hard to bear and there are times when I feel like I bear it for both of us.
Funny how the best things about a person can also be the worst! But I am happy to be getting to know Alex so well! Everyday he seems more and more like a true member of our family!
A very long drive
We left Utah yesterday and drove to San Francisco. It was a really long drive - about 12 hours. Thank goodness G4 drives now, so I was able to share the misery. G3 of course, had to get here quickly for a conference, so he got to fly first class!
The kids were pretty well behaved, watching videos and listening to music the whole way. I also smartly put pillows in the car, so that when tiredness overcame people, they could sleep. Alex slept the first 4 hours!
Today we are going to sightsee in San Francisco. I want to show him Lombard Street, Chinatown, the Golden Gate bridge, and the Embarcadero. G4 wants to visit a rare book shop and I thought we might squeeze in Coit tower as well. We will wrap up the day with our favorite restaurant in the whole city - Lucky Creation Vegetarian Restaurant right off of Ross Alley and Washington Street in Chinatown!
The kids were pretty well behaved, watching videos and listening to music the whole way. I also smartly put pillows in the car, so that when tiredness overcame people, they could sleep. Alex slept the first 4 hours!
Today we are going to sightsee in San Francisco. I want to show him Lombard Street, Chinatown, the Golden Gate bridge, and the Embarcadero. G4 wants to visit a rare book shop and I thought we might squeeze in Coit tower as well. We will wrap up the day with our favorite restaurant in the whole city - Lucky Creation Vegetarian Restaurant right off of Ross Alley and Washington Street in Chinatown!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Epic Parenting Fail
I am posting again today as the events of the past few days are enough for their own post, and I didn't want the paperwork post to get lost in the comings and goings.
On Thursday, G3 worked from home so that he could go and apply for Alex's American passport with me. They require both parents to be present and they are only open from 10-4pm. Not the most friendly of offices! Then it was off the the dentist office for both Alex and myself. I had to get a filling redone and he needed his root canal. I went first and then it was hist turn. He was surprisingly calm about it. The dentist allowed him to put his earphones in and listen to his music, so that helped out. They worked on him for 2 and 1/2 hours! Ouch! But he was calm throughout. The office was small, so I had to knell on the tile floor next to the dental chair to hold his hand. He squeezed my hand a few times, but overall, did really well. The bad news is that they were not able to finish the root canal and he will have to go back on Tuesday for the rest of the work! He was a little bummed about that, but lightened up after he asked for donuts and I took him by Krispy Kreme. Boy that kids can eat! Two dozen donuts and they were mostly gone the next day! I cooked him some homemade mashed potatoes and a veggie sautee thinking it would be easy to chew and he scarfed down every bite of that too. On Thursday night, G3 took G4 kayaking at Deer Creek Reservoir - taking advantage of how light it stays out late. I kept Alex at home, even though he wasn't complaining about his tooth, I knew that he would most likely be hurting.
On Friday, he was back to normal. The housecleaners were coming and it was a frantic rush to clean up the house so that they could clean. I think Alex believes we are crazy to clean before they come to clean, but I haven't had time to explain that if there is clutter around, they just clean around it. In order to get a good deep clean, I need everything to be put away.
We went out grocery shopping with everyone and two carts later, was stunned by how much food we go through. I forgot what it was like to have a teenage boy that is growing in the house. G4 is out of the eat everything in site stage - thank goodness, but Alex is still in it. We went out to see Mirror, Mirror at the movie theatre that night. The boys thought it was stupid, but Amanda and I liked it.
When we came home, Alex needed dinner number 2 as usual, so I sat outside with him while he ate it. I was so tired and wanted to go to bed, but he begged me to stay. So I ended up by falling asleep on one of the chaise lounges. He went and got my computer and started playing a game. I woke up about 30 minutes later with a stiff neck and decided, enough was enough - I was going to bed. Now here is the EPIC FAIL part of the story. I said goodnight and went in the house, carefully and unintentionally locking the door behind me! I can't believe I locked my child out of the house! I went to bed and slept like the dead, while Alex was trying to call me all night to get in. He could have knocked on the bedroom window or called G3, but he didn't. Finally at 5:52 in the morning, G3's phone rang. Alex told us what happened and I ran to let him in. Poor kid was half frozen. I felt SOOOOO bad. Alex correctly called me a LOSER and what could I say other then, "Yes, yes I am!" He then announced he was going to bed.
He slept until about 2:00pm and when he woke up, continued to call me a loser. When Sergei called and invited him over, G3 was concerned about driving him all the way to Draper (about 45 minutes away). I answered that we owed it to him for leaving him out all night! So we loaded up the kayaks and all of us and dropped Alex off with his friend and went kayaking. It was a lovely night to kayak. After it was too dark - we had a picnic lunch and watched the sun go down. Absolutely breathtaking.
This morning (Father's Day) we were all going to go hang gliding, but as usual the kids wimped out. 5:30 am was just too early! So, I took G3 and had fun taking pictures. He did amazingly well for his first time and I think has been bitten by the bug! He was able to take several solo flights - the longest of about 150-200 feet about 15 feet off the ground! The kids all slept late, but took care of the animals and got mail, etc. while we were gone.
We are planning a cookout tonight - I am marinating a steak for Alex, my final peace offereing for making him stay outside all night! We will rotisserie a pineapple, grill corn and have veggie burgers for the veg heads in the family.
Hope everyone has a Happy Father's Day!
On Thursday, G3 worked from home so that he could go and apply for Alex's American passport with me. They require both parents to be present and they are only open from 10-4pm. Not the most friendly of offices! Then it was off the the dentist office for both Alex and myself. I had to get a filling redone and he needed his root canal. I went first and then it was hist turn. He was surprisingly calm about it. The dentist allowed him to put his earphones in and listen to his music, so that helped out. They worked on him for 2 and 1/2 hours! Ouch! But he was calm throughout. The office was small, so I had to knell on the tile floor next to the dental chair to hold his hand. He squeezed my hand a few times, but overall, did really well. The bad news is that they were not able to finish the root canal and he will have to go back on Tuesday for the rest of the work! He was a little bummed about that, but lightened up after he asked for donuts and I took him by Krispy Kreme. Boy that kids can eat! Two dozen donuts and they were mostly gone the next day! I cooked him some homemade mashed potatoes and a veggie sautee thinking it would be easy to chew and he scarfed down every bite of that too. On Thursday night, G3 took G4 kayaking at Deer Creek Reservoir - taking advantage of how light it stays out late. I kept Alex at home, even though he wasn't complaining about his tooth, I knew that he would most likely be hurting.
On Friday, he was back to normal. The housecleaners were coming and it was a frantic rush to clean up the house so that they could clean. I think Alex believes we are crazy to clean before they come to clean, but I haven't had time to explain that if there is clutter around, they just clean around it. In order to get a good deep clean, I need everything to be put away.
We went out grocery shopping with everyone and two carts later, was stunned by how much food we go through. I forgot what it was like to have a teenage boy that is growing in the house. G4 is out of the eat everything in site stage - thank goodness, but Alex is still in it. We went out to see Mirror, Mirror at the movie theatre that night. The boys thought it was stupid, but Amanda and I liked it.
When we came home, Alex needed dinner number 2 as usual, so I sat outside with him while he ate it. I was so tired and wanted to go to bed, but he begged me to stay. So I ended up by falling asleep on one of the chaise lounges. He went and got my computer and started playing a game. I woke up about 30 minutes later with a stiff neck and decided, enough was enough - I was going to bed. Now here is the EPIC FAIL part of the story. I said goodnight and went in the house, carefully and unintentionally locking the door behind me! I can't believe I locked my child out of the house! I went to bed and slept like the dead, while Alex was trying to call me all night to get in. He could have knocked on the bedroom window or called G3, but he didn't. Finally at 5:52 in the morning, G3's phone rang. Alex told us what happened and I ran to let him in. Poor kid was half frozen. I felt SOOOOO bad. Alex correctly called me a LOSER and what could I say other then, "Yes, yes I am!" He then announced he was going to bed.
He slept until about 2:00pm and when he woke up, continued to call me a loser. When Sergei called and invited him over, G3 was concerned about driving him all the way to Draper (about 45 minutes away). I answered that we owed it to him for leaving him out all night! So we loaded up the kayaks and all of us and dropped Alex off with his friend and went kayaking. It was a lovely night to kayak. After it was too dark - we had a picnic lunch and watched the sun go down. Absolutely breathtaking.
This morning (Father's Day) we were all going to go hang gliding, but as usual the kids wimped out. 5:30 am was just too early! So, I took G3 and had fun taking pictures. He did amazingly well for his first time and I think has been bitten by the bug! He was able to take several solo flights - the longest of about 150-200 feet about 15 feet off the ground! The kids all slept late, but took care of the animals and got mail, etc. while we were gone.
We are planning a cookout tonight - I am marinating a steak for Alex, my final peace offereing for making him stay outside all night! We will rotisserie a pineapple, grill corn and have veggie burgers for the veg heads in the family.
Hope everyone has a Happy Father's Day!
Final Paperwork
I wanted to post a little about the final paperwork that we had to do, since we chose to do it a little backwards from what we thought we had to do. When we did the paperwork at the US Embassy, there was a check box to apply for a social security card. We checked it but the nice man who was helping us recommended that we also go to our local SS office and apply again. About a week after we got back, I took Alex to the local SS office and applied for a number. They asked to see the court decree and birth certificates (both in original format), his immigration visa in his Ukrainian passport and my passport. It was a relatively easy process and they gave all the documents back to me after verifying them. The SS card arrived about 3 weeks later.
I had waited to do the Ukrainian paperwork for the embassy until I had the SS card and an American Passport applied for. I was worried that they wanted me to send in the original Ukrainian passport with the registration form and I was worried if it got lost, that I would have no way of proving that he was an American citizen. So I did the application for the American passport. They wanted to see the Ukrainian passport and send it in with the application but I explained that it had to go to the Ukrainian embassy, so they just made a copy of it and the immigration stamp and gave me back the original. They also wanted the original court decree and the original birth certificate with our names on it, so I reluctantly surrendered it. I better got those back!
Then I sent in the registration paperwork with Alex's original Ukrainian passport to the Ukrainian consulate. I am really unhappy about giving away all these documents, but I have to have faith that they will come back to me.
I think in reality, most people register the Ukrainian paperwork first, but I wanted to get the American passport started first. I am somewhat confused as to what would happen if someone questioned our parental rights of Alex now. I do not have anything except copies of the documents and the SS card, but hopefully this will be rectified when we receive his American passport.iiii
If anyone has any info on this to share, please do. It seems somewhat of a muddy area - since we did not get anything from immigration except a stamp on his Ukrainian passport.
I had waited to do the Ukrainian paperwork for the embassy until I had the SS card and an American Passport applied for. I was worried that they wanted me to send in the original Ukrainian passport with the registration form and I was worried if it got lost, that I would have no way of proving that he was an American citizen. So I did the application for the American passport. They wanted to see the Ukrainian passport and send it in with the application but I explained that it had to go to the Ukrainian embassy, so they just made a copy of it and the immigration stamp and gave me back the original. They also wanted the original court decree and the original birth certificate with our names on it, so I reluctantly surrendered it. I better got those back!
Then I sent in the registration paperwork with Alex's original Ukrainian passport to the Ukrainian consulate. I am really unhappy about giving away all these documents, but I have to have faith that they will come back to me.
I think in reality, most people register the Ukrainian paperwork first, but I wanted to get the American passport started first. I am somewhat confused as to what would happen if someone questioned our parental rights of Alex now. I do not have anything except copies of the documents and the SS card, but hopefully this will be rectified when we receive his American passport.iiii
If anyone has any info on this to share, please do. It seems somewhat of a muddy area - since we did not get anything from immigration except a stamp on his Ukrainian passport.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Videos of Trampoline Fun
Alex having fun. Amanda got a great video of him.
Sergei on the trampoline. Thanks to Amanda again.
Mom is out of reserves!
We are BACK at the trampoline place again. It seems like that is the only place I can get work done. Thank goodness for free wifi. We have had a couple of great days. I think ever since Alex verbalized his worries and frustrations, he has felt better. He has been in a great mood and is back to his old self. It was good for him to be able to express himself warts and all and realize that G3 and I were not going to back down or withdraw. We love him no matter what and are willing to listen to him.
However, while he is feeling better, I am starting to feel a little run down. It is getting hard balancing everyone's needs. Alex is taking a lot of my time. In fact, last night, he was downstairs playing a video game long after everyone else had gone to sleep. I went down to say goodnight and he asked me to stay with him. He wanted me to sit next to him. I told him I would for a little while. I pulled Amanda's bean bag up next to the one he was sitting in and sat down. He kept saying over and over, "Do you love me?" I kept saying, "Yes of course I do." But it just wasn't enough. I reached over and started stroking his hair and he quieted down a bit. Then I started falling asleep and the next thing I know, he had brought over some blankets and put them over me. I stirred a little and he said, "Shhh, you stay here with me." I stayed for a while but I really, really wanted to go to bed. I finally said, "I am going to bed." He fussed and tried to hold my hand to stop me from going, but I just didn't want to stay. I felt guilty, on other days, I would have stayed and given him the emotional support that he needed, but I just didn't have it in me yesterday. He finally kissed me good night and went back to his video game.
This morning, Amanda had a hissy fit at her studio. She is under so much stress with Nationals coming up. All of her medical problems are flaring up to, we were at the allergist's office Monday morning for 3 hours while she received an infusion of a new, experimental medicine to help control her cholinergic urticaria and asthma. Let's hope it ultimately works - but we won't know for at least 2 weeks. In the meantime, she is still on her cocktail of 9 different meds that is only partially effective. So my resistance is at an all time low! Then I got set off again this afternoon by Alex inviting a friend over. I yelled at him that he needs to check with me first and make sure the house is clean - he just looked at me like I had grown 3 heads. He pacified me with a kiss and showing me how much English he had done on Rosetta Stone. I then went to make cookies and felt marginally better - baking is very cathartic for me!
I think that the late nights with Alex and the early mornings with Amanda are wearing me down. I think that I need to take a mental health day. Also, all the emotional support that Alex needs can get tiring. I love providing it and am so happy that he lets me - but it does take a lot out of you. There are still all the attendant responsibilities of home and other kids, and then add this on top. But he is still such a delight. He makes me laugh so much. He has a great sense of humor and loves to joke around. He is very active and makes me move constantly. He is so loving and always watches out for me. I hurt my finger yesterday and he rushed to get ice and held my hand for a long time and hugged me. He is very giving of his love, always a gift that I love to receive.
I need to go now - boys being boys - Alex and Sergei are needing me to take videos of them doing flips.....
However, while he is feeling better, I am starting to feel a little run down. It is getting hard balancing everyone's needs. Alex is taking a lot of my time. In fact, last night, he was downstairs playing a video game long after everyone else had gone to sleep. I went down to say goodnight and he asked me to stay with him. He wanted me to sit next to him. I told him I would for a little while. I pulled Amanda's bean bag up next to the one he was sitting in and sat down. He kept saying over and over, "Do you love me?" I kept saying, "Yes of course I do." But it just wasn't enough. I reached over and started stroking his hair and he quieted down a bit. Then I started falling asleep and the next thing I know, he had brought over some blankets and put them over me. I stirred a little and he said, "Shhh, you stay here with me." I stayed for a while but I really, really wanted to go to bed. I finally said, "I am going to bed." He fussed and tried to hold my hand to stop me from going, but I just didn't want to stay. I felt guilty, on other days, I would have stayed and given him the emotional support that he needed, but I just didn't have it in me yesterday. He finally kissed me good night and went back to his video game.
This morning, Amanda had a hissy fit at her studio. She is under so much stress with Nationals coming up. All of her medical problems are flaring up to, we were at the allergist's office Monday morning for 3 hours while she received an infusion of a new, experimental medicine to help control her cholinergic urticaria and asthma. Let's hope it ultimately works - but we won't know for at least 2 weeks. In the meantime, she is still on her cocktail of 9 different meds that is only partially effective. So my resistance is at an all time low! Then I got set off again this afternoon by Alex inviting a friend over. I yelled at him that he needs to check with me first and make sure the house is clean - he just looked at me like I had grown 3 heads. He pacified me with a kiss and showing me how much English he had done on Rosetta Stone. I then went to make cookies and felt marginally better - baking is very cathartic for me!
I think that the late nights with Alex and the early mornings with Amanda are wearing me down. I think that I need to take a mental health day. Also, all the emotional support that Alex needs can get tiring. I love providing it and am so happy that he lets me - but it does take a lot out of you. There are still all the attendant responsibilities of home and other kids, and then add this on top. But he is still such a delight. He makes me laugh so much. He has a great sense of humor and loves to joke around. He is very active and makes me move constantly. He is so loving and always watches out for me. I hurt my finger yesterday and he rushed to get ice and held my hand for a long time and hugged me. He is very giving of his love, always a gift that I love to receive.
I need to go now - boys being boys - Alex and Sergei are needing me to take videos of them doing flips.....
Monday, June 11, 2012
The Dam Breaks
Alex is feeling better (physically that is) - thank goodness he seems to have a strong constitution. However, in the aftermath of the sickness, he was left feeling a little down and out. It came out of the blue. One night, he was in a great mood - joking and playing around. He and I tickled, wrestled, and talked for about an hour and then I suggested we call Mariupol. He couldn't get through to anyone, so he suggested we call A1. We had a great talk and then I suggested he call his Grandma. Famous last words.... He had a long talk with her and seemed ok, but by the next morning was sullen and fussy. By the afternoon, he was working out on his kickboxing target ferociously, a sure sign that something is wrong.
Finally, I decided to confront him. I cornered him in his room and asked what was wrong. OMG, the dam burst forth. He asked in a very confrontational tone of voice, "Why me? Why money, documents, Ukraine, why me?" When I told him it was because we loved him, he looked at me and sneered, "You talk, everyday you talk. I love you, I love you, but is not real. Just talk. All women talk." I was stunned. It was so vituperative and mean-spirited, very unlike his normal demeanor. Before I shot back what was on the tip of my tongue, I thought for a minute and realized just how much this kid was hurting inside. I realized that he really did not understand the reasons why we wanted him. He had no concept of a love that was so deep that we wanted him to be a part of our family. All the love in his life hadn't gone so well. He had lost everybody even though I am sure they told him they loved him at one point or another.
So, I just looked at him and told him that I loved him deeply whether he believed it or not. I also decided that this was the time to confront him so I said, "You could have said no." He looked at me and said, "I know." I also told him that I didn't like to see him unhappy, but that he was part of a forever family now and was going to have to learn how to be a part of it. I could tell that his emotions were running higher than I had seen before, so that gave me the strength to be not as emotional. We talked for a little more, but by then I could see that he was not in any mood to listen to more. I left him and continued about my business.
Thank goodness, I picked the right attitude because about 1 hour later, he came and searched me out and told me, "I happy mom, every day, I happy." He then asked me if I loved him and when I said yes, of course, he went off singing, My mom loves me over and over. I think he felt if he verbalized these doubts that I wouldn't love him anymore. Hopefully, he will learn someday that I love him no matter what he says or does!
He had a great day after that - I think it reassured him that we were still there after all the drama of the morning. We went over to Becky and Kevin's house and visited with their family. It was a great time and we really enjoyed the day. Alex wanted a sleepover but was pretty amiable when Becky and I said no. He was disappointed but got over it in 5 minutes and slept all the way home.
Today he has had a great day so far. We are at the trampoline park again waiting for some friends to jump with. He loves jumping. I am starting to crack down a little on the dishes that seem to migrate to his room. I wouldn't leave the house today with him until he cleaned out all the dishes! I told him that we were not running a restaurant in his bedroom! Next I need to start working on schoolwork!
Finally, I decided to confront him. I cornered him in his room and asked what was wrong. OMG, the dam burst forth. He asked in a very confrontational tone of voice, "Why me? Why money, documents, Ukraine, why me?" When I told him it was because we loved him, he looked at me and sneered, "You talk, everyday you talk. I love you, I love you, but is not real. Just talk. All women talk." I was stunned. It was so vituperative and mean-spirited, very unlike his normal demeanor. Before I shot back what was on the tip of my tongue, I thought for a minute and realized just how much this kid was hurting inside. I realized that he really did not understand the reasons why we wanted him. He had no concept of a love that was so deep that we wanted him to be a part of our family. All the love in his life hadn't gone so well. He had lost everybody even though I am sure they told him they loved him at one point or another.
So, I just looked at him and told him that I loved him deeply whether he believed it or not. I also decided that this was the time to confront him so I said, "You could have said no." He looked at me and said, "I know." I also told him that I didn't like to see him unhappy, but that he was part of a forever family now and was going to have to learn how to be a part of it. I could tell that his emotions were running higher than I had seen before, so that gave me the strength to be not as emotional. We talked for a little more, but by then I could see that he was not in any mood to listen to more. I left him and continued about my business.
Thank goodness, I picked the right attitude because about 1 hour later, he came and searched me out and told me, "I happy mom, every day, I happy." He then asked me if I loved him and when I said yes, of course, he went off singing, My mom loves me over and over. I think he felt if he verbalized these doubts that I wouldn't love him anymore. Hopefully, he will learn someday that I love him no matter what he says or does!
He had a great day after that - I think it reassured him that we were still there after all the drama of the morning. We went over to Becky and Kevin's house and visited with their family. It was a great time and we really enjoyed the day. Alex wanted a sleepover but was pretty amiable when Becky and I said no. He was disappointed but got over it in 5 minutes and slept all the way home.
Today he has had a great day so far. We are at the trampoline park again waiting for some friends to jump with. He loves jumping. I am starting to crack down a little on the dishes that seem to migrate to his room. I wouldn't leave the house today with him until he cleaned out all the dishes! I told him that we were not running a restaurant in his bedroom! Next I need to start working on schoolwork!
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Sickness Hits!
Poor Alex was sick yesterday. I knew something was up when he got up and then went back to bed. He spent most of the morning in bed, as I shuffled the others back and forth to other activities. Finally at about 2:00, I went downstairs to see what was going on. He was burning up with fever and was just looking pitiful. I felt so bad it took me so long to catch on, but there is the lack of communication for you. I bet he was starting to feel poorly earlier but realized that I wouldn't understand.
Anyway, once I realized how sick he was, I immediately swung into action with fixing the fever, hydrating him, and keeping him busy with movies on the computer. I was so worried because Amanda had a graduation ceremony that night to get her engraved black belt and we were all going to it. I knew that she would be upset if we all didn't come, but I didn't want to leave Alex alone either. So I decided to do what I usually do when the kids get sick - go to mommy's bed and get fluffed and puffed and comfortable with everything needed at hand's reach. This led to another disagreement but it was only half-hearted. I took him by the hand and led him upstairs to my bed and fluffed the pillows and pushed him in. He kept saying, "No mom, my bed. In Ukraine, no in mom's bed." I said, "Tough - in America, get in mom's bed. Amanda does it, G4 does it, and now you do it!" He finally smiled and let me fuss over him. I felt really bad but by this time the Motrin had started to work to break the fever. I left him a ton of food, drinks, iPads, telephone, and computer all within easy reach.
I left feeling bad, but I kept in touch with him by texting every 30 minutes or so. The ceremony was really great and I even shed a tear when tying on Amanda's black belt. She has worked so hard over the past 5 years and faced so much adversity with all her medical problems, I am so proud of her accomplishments.
By the time we got home, Alex was feeling better and was more active - moving out of my bed to play video games. Poor Amanda was exhausted and went to bed really early. Alex was hungry (sure sign of recovery) and we ended up outside again while he ate. G3 and G4 came out bringing out the good binoculars and we spent about an hour stargazing. We even found the ISS streaking across the sky. It was a beautiful night, just the right temperature, without any clouds.
Alex was in a cuddly mood and just snuggled up against me as we looked up at the stars. He just kept saying over and over how he loved me - it was really sweet. I think he was so surprised that I wanted to take care of him when he wasn't feeling well. I don't know for sure - but I get the idea that he expected me to pretty much leave him alone! He obviously has not had much mothering in the past - but he will get used to my smothering ways :)
Alex is just such a great kid. I caught G4 talking to someone yesterday about having Alex in the family and he summed it up perfectly saying, "It's like he has always been there. He just slipped into our family and our hearts without us really even knowing. He has been a great addition."
Anyway, once I realized how sick he was, I immediately swung into action with fixing the fever, hydrating him, and keeping him busy with movies on the computer. I was so worried because Amanda had a graduation ceremony that night to get her engraved black belt and we were all going to it. I knew that she would be upset if we all didn't come, but I didn't want to leave Alex alone either. So I decided to do what I usually do when the kids get sick - go to mommy's bed and get fluffed and puffed and comfortable with everything needed at hand's reach. This led to another disagreement but it was only half-hearted. I took him by the hand and led him upstairs to my bed and fluffed the pillows and pushed him in. He kept saying, "No mom, my bed. In Ukraine, no in mom's bed." I said, "Tough - in America, get in mom's bed. Amanda does it, G4 does it, and now you do it!" He finally smiled and let me fuss over him. I felt really bad but by this time the Motrin had started to work to break the fever. I left him a ton of food, drinks, iPads, telephone, and computer all within easy reach.
I left feeling bad, but I kept in touch with him by texting every 30 minutes or so. The ceremony was really great and I even shed a tear when tying on Amanda's black belt. She has worked so hard over the past 5 years and faced so much adversity with all her medical problems, I am so proud of her accomplishments.
By the time we got home, Alex was feeling better and was more active - moving out of my bed to play video games. Poor Amanda was exhausted and went to bed really early. Alex was hungry (sure sign of recovery) and we ended up outside again while he ate. G3 and G4 came out bringing out the good binoculars and we spent about an hour stargazing. We even found the ISS streaking across the sky. It was a beautiful night, just the right temperature, without any clouds.
Alex was in a cuddly mood and just snuggled up against me as we looked up at the stars. He just kept saying over and over how he loved me - it was really sweet. I think he was so surprised that I wanted to take care of him when he wasn't feeling well. I don't know for sure - but I get the idea that he expected me to pretty much leave him alone! He obviously has not had much mothering in the past - but he will get used to my smothering ways :)
Alex is just such a great kid. I caught G4 talking to someone yesterday about having Alex in the family and he summed it up perfectly saying, "It's like he has always been there. He just slipped into our family and our hearts without us really even knowing. He has been a great addition."
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Our first fight
Alex and I had our first fight 2 nights ago. I think it scared both of us down to our toes. It was so stupid - a combination of tiredness, hunger, and misunderstanding, but I had to walk away from him as I counted to 10. It was about dinner of all things. I think he was really worried, as I have never walked away from him before. Later in the evening, I was in the laundry room, folding laundry, when he came in and put his head on my shoulder. He nuzzled up against my neck and I turned around and hugged him. He said, "Is ok mom" and I sighed a huge sigh of relief. It was SCARY - I think we both worried that this was it - but when we got over our snit and calmed down and realized that everything was ok, and we still loved each other - it was a really special moment. I think Alex is really starting to realize that he can't get rid of me - no matter what!
We have had a busy couple of days - TKd for Amanda, kickboxing for Alex, and great news for G4 - he was accepted at USC. We had decided on Seattle at the University of Washington, but now he is wobbling towards USC. I would LOVE to go back to Los Angeles! But it is what G4 needs more than what I want.
This morning it was dental visits for the 2 boys. We needed crowbars to pry them out of bed to get to the office by 9:00. I have learned now that all appointments need to be made after 1:00 in the afternoon. But after several hours there - I needed to be resuscitated after finding out all that is wrong. Alex has 9 cavities and needs one root canal and a crown. This is on top of the 4 wisdom teeth that need to be removed and braces. The dental bill just for the cavities and the crown will be around $2500. After the $1500 for the wisdom teeth and the $3000 for braces - we will be living in a cardboard box!
I know I have said it a million times, but I am so gratified to have Alex in our family. He makes me laugh (we had a big tickle fight this afternoon). He is so funny and playful, and yet helpful and considerate. He always wants to protect me and gets jealous when I am busy with the other kids (not really jealous - but he always reminds me with an,"I love you", that he is still there! He is a GREAT kid!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Setting a few boundaries
We finally decided yesterday that despite all of Alex's protestations that he did not need translating help, that there were some things that just needed to be communicated and couldn't wait for him to learn English. One of these issues revolves around his teeth and the other is our upcoming move.
So, we invited a neighbor over last night who speaks Russian and she graciously translated for us. There is going to be major dental work going on, starting with all 4 wisdom teeth. The top ones are growing near his sinuses and the bottom ones are starting to get near the nerve - so these need to go in the next few weeks. Then there is a tooth which its viability is in question, that might need to go and be replaced with an implant - and then of course there are braces. But I didn't want him to be scared about all of this and to understand that we would not let him be in pain. So I think it was good that he understood. I really think he knew most of this anyway from talking to me - but with the help of a native Russian speaker - I think he will be more confident about what is going on.
We then moved on to our move. While he is still resistant to the idea, he did say it would be fun to move around and experience new places. He is so resilient and amicable - I am amazed at times. I think understanding things a little better, gave him the ability to deal with the move better. He was smiling through the whole conversation and was joking around. I think he is in a good place regarding the move. We told him he could personalize his room when we move and he was excited about that. He wants to paint graffiti on the walls and ceiling. We said ok as long as we can ok the design first.
There was a little kerfuffle about an earring. He wants his to get an earring (and I think he would look darling with one) but G3 has appropriately said this is something that needs to be earned over time. He has tentatively said 16th birthday. G3 also pointed out that with an earring we would be having even more trouble with girls chasing him than we already have! Alex was a little put out, but I think understood that we meant it. We also had to communicate that there was some music that he listened to that was inappropriate. There have been 2 songs that we have nixed out of all the rap music he listens to. He made some snide comment that it was because we were old!!!! We fussed at him about that one - but were able to get the point across that when racial slurs come into songs - that is where we draw the line. I am even getting into rap and starting to enjoy it! We made sure to tell him that he was lucky to have us as parents - as a lot of parents would not tolerate any of the music he likes.
It was a great talk - I felt like he is starting to push back against some of our controls and I am glad to see it. We are pretty permissive overall, but when we have limits, they are in stone. But seeing him push against them shows me that he is confident in our love for him. He is starting to realize that we are there always and he does not need to treat us special for fear of losing us. I love how comfortable he is with us now. I know this is a long process that will take years, but so far - I can feel it starting and it is so rewarding to feel.
Right now we are in kickboxing class and I am watching him die from exhaustion! Amanda is at her TKD studio again and then we are going over to a friend's house to let Alex visit and relax. More later...
So, we invited a neighbor over last night who speaks Russian and she graciously translated for us. There is going to be major dental work going on, starting with all 4 wisdom teeth. The top ones are growing near his sinuses and the bottom ones are starting to get near the nerve - so these need to go in the next few weeks. Then there is a tooth which its viability is in question, that might need to go and be replaced with an implant - and then of course there are braces. But I didn't want him to be scared about all of this and to understand that we would not let him be in pain. So I think it was good that he understood. I really think he knew most of this anyway from talking to me - but with the help of a native Russian speaker - I think he will be more confident about what is going on.
We then moved on to our move. While he is still resistant to the idea, he did say it would be fun to move around and experience new places. He is so resilient and amicable - I am amazed at times. I think understanding things a little better, gave him the ability to deal with the move better. He was smiling through the whole conversation and was joking around. I think he is in a good place regarding the move. We told him he could personalize his room when we move and he was excited about that. He wants to paint graffiti on the walls and ceiling. We said ok as long as we can ok the design first.
There was a little kerfuffle about an earring. He wants his to get an earring (and I think he would look darling with one) but G3 has appropriately said this is something that needs to be earned over time. He has tentatively said 16th birthday. G3 also pointed out that with an earring we would be having even more trouble with girls chasing him than we already have! Alex was a little put out, but I think understood that we meant it. We also had to communicate that there was some music that he listened to that was inappropriate. There have been 2 songs that we have nixed out of all the rap music he listens to. He made some snide comment that it was because we were old!!!! We fussed at him about that one - but were able to get the point across that when racial slurs come into songs - that is where we draw the line. I am even getting into rap and starting to enjoy it! We made sure to tell him that he was lucky to have us as parents - as a lot of parents would not tolerate any of the music he likes.
It was a great talk - I felt like he is starting to push back against some of our controls and I am glad to see it. We are pretty permissive overall, but when we have limits, they are in stone. But seeing him push against them shows me that he is confident in our love for him. He is starting to realize that we are there always and he does not need to treat us special for fear of losing us. I love how comfortable he is with us now. I know this is a long process that will take years, but so far - I can feel it starting and it is so rewarding to feel.
Right now we are in kickboxing class and I am watching him die from exhaustion! Amanda is at her TKD studio again and then we are going over to a friend's house to let Alex visit and relax. More later...
Monday, June 4, 2012
The Good (Science Experiments) and the Bad (my cell phone)
We have been so busy over the past weekend and my cell phone has been acting up, making for some tiring times. My cell phone has decided that it does not like for me to have a complete conversation. It will drop calls at random times (usually at a crucial point in the conversation) or randomly not vibrate or ring with calls or texts. This happens in direct relationship to the importance of the call or text that I am expecting. And then every once in a while just to mix it up, it will lock up! Argh! So I apologize to those trying to get through to me - I am not doing this on purpose - it is my phone - really.
On Saturday, Amanda was in the studio for 5 hours, and in between, we took all the kids to a new trampoline park that opened up. They had a lot of fun, but got really tired out. Then it was rush, rush, rush to get to the airport to welcome another family bringing their kids home from Ukraine. Alex knows the boys and was excited to be able to meet them.
After getting home finally that night, Amanda and G4 crashed, so Alex, G3, and I ended up outside again for another "talk." This was the first time for G3 to be involved in these talks and I think he realizes now why I love these times so much. Alex's English is getting so much better. He is very comfortable speaking to us, but was explaining that it is harder to speak to others he doesn't know as well. He had visited a family earlier that day that he had met on his previous visit to America and just clammed up. He was not able to communicate as well as he can with us, but we reassured him that it would come in time.
Alex talked for two hours straight. He was just full of info that he wanted to share. We heard about trips that he had taken to Kiev with friends, to St. Petersburg with his dad, and others. We heard about his time on the streets and run-ins with police. He opened up about his struggles with smoking and why he stopped. He talked about friends that he had and their struggles with drug use. It was great to see how open and honest he is with us. We just listened and commented appropriately - not really reacting or judging. I felt so honored that he would share this information with us. I know that it takes a lot of strength to share these memories, and I am so happy that he felt he could share them with us.
He seems very comfortable with us now and is definitely hanging out with us more each day. When he first got here, he would just interact with the family when he had to, and spent most of his time with me. Now, he still spends a lot of time with me, but hangs around more. Yesterday in fact, he just hung out in the living room for a while playing with his dog while G3 and G4 were talking. He helped me cook dinner last night and hung out in the kitchen for a while as well.
Schoolwork was kind of forgotten this weekend, so yesterday, I decided we needed a little science to liven up our life! The kids and I went out and got a bunch of different kinds of sodas and mentos. I hope everyone has done this - it is so much fun. We have a special geyser tube that fits on 2 liter bottles to make it even more spectacular. We must have set off 10 bottles! It was so much fun - Alex had never seen anything like it and enjoyed participating. Unfortunately some of the scientific explanations were lacking through google translate - but it was still fun.
I need to keep doing more things like this as he and I work on English together. He is not big on formal work, so if I can keep him engaged with fun things, I will teach that way. He definitely seems to like my unschooling style. And even last night as he and I were sitting outside while he ate dinner number 2 at 11:30 at night, he mentioned that it was back to the books today! So he is gradually learning our ways!
I am surprised how great he is doing and how resilient he is. He is still worried about moving and last night was talking about it again. He is having a hard time understanding why we would want to move and is going to miss Utah - but I keep trying to reassure him that it will be ok. I don't think we will have problems once we get moved, but until then, it will be difficult. I hope he trusts us enough now to take care of him. I keep reinforcing the concept with him that we are a forever family and that he is stuck with us as well. I don't want him thinking that there is a choice here! He is ours and we would be devastated without him. Very quickly, he has wormed his way into our hearts and become an integral part of us. G4, Amanda, and I were talking yesterday about how great it has been to have him here. They are getting closer to him day by day as he is to them. In fact, they are really treating each other like siblings now - complaining about each other! G4 was complaining about the music Alex listens to while he was complaining about G4's trains. They were laughing and joking with each other. Amanda was joking around with him as well - as they were each trying to proclaim they were the strongest. Poor Alex just doesn't stand a chance yet until he grows more! The kids agree with me that he has completed this family in a very special way!
Today it is to the oral surgeon to look into getting the wisdom teeth removed and then all afternoon in the studio for Amanda as she prepares for Nationals again this summer. Updates later......
On Saturday, Amanda was in the studio for 5 hours, and in between, we took all the kids to a new trampoline park that opened up. They had a lot of fun, but got really tired out. Then it was rush, rush, rush to get to the airport to welcome another family bringing their kids home from Ukraine. Alex knows the boys and was excited to be able to meet them.
After getting home finally that night, Amanda and G4 crashed, so Alex, G3, and I ended up outside again for another "talk." This was the first time for G3 to be involved in these talks and I think he realizes now why I love these times so much. Alex's English is getting so much better. He is very comfortable speaking to us, but was explaining that it is harder to speak to others he doesn't know as well. He had visited a family earlier that day that he had met on his previous visit to America and just clammed up. He was not able to communicate as well as he can with us, but we reassured him that it would come in time.
Alex talked for two hours straight. He was just full of info that he wanted to share. We heard about trips that he had taken to Kiev with friends, to St. Petersburg with his dad, and others. We heard about his time on the streets and run-ins with police. He opened up about his struggles with smoking and why he stopped. He talked about friends that he had and their struggles with drug use. It was great to see how open and honest he is with us. We just listened and commented appropriately - not really reacting or judging. I felt so honored that he would share this information with us. I know that it takes a lot of strength to share these memories, and I am so happy that he felt he could share them with us.
He seems very comfortable with us now and is definitely hanging out with us more each day. When he first got here, he would just interact with the family when he had to, and spent most of his time with me. Now, he still spends a lot of time with me, but hangs around more. Yesterday in fact, he just hung out in the living room for a while playing with his dog while G3 and G4 were talking. He helped me cook dinner last night and hung out in the kitchen for a while as well.
Schoolwork was kind of forgotten this weekend, so yesterday, I decided we needed a little science to liven up our life! The kids and I went out and got a bunch of different kinds of sodas and mentos. I hope everyone has done this - it is so much fun. We have a special geyser tube that fits on 2 liter bottles to make it even more spectacular. We must have set off 10 bottles! It was so much fun - Alex had never seen anything like it and enjoyed participating. Unfortunately some of the scientific explanations were lacking through google translate - but it was still fun.
I need to keep doing more things like this as he and I work on English together. He is not big on formal work, so if I can keep him engaged with fun things, I will teach that way. He definitely seems to like my unschooling style. And even last night as he and I were sitting outside while he ate dinner number 2 at 11:30 at night, he mentioned that it was back to the books today! So he is gradually learning our ways!
I am surprised how great he is doing and how resilient he is. He is still worried about moving and last night was talking about it again. He is having a hard time understanding why we would want to move and is going to miss Utah - but I keep trying to reassure him that it will be ok. I don't think we will have problems once we get moved, but until then, it will be difficult. I hope he trusts us enough now to take care of him. I keep reinforcing the concept with him that we are a forever family and that he is stuck with us as well. I don't want him thinking that there is a choice here! He is ours and we would be devastated without him. Very quickly, he has wormed his way into our hearts and become an integral part of us. G4, Amanda, and I were talking yesterday about how great it has been to have him here. They are getting closer to him day by day as he is to them. In fact, they are really treating each other like siblings now - complaining about each other! G4 was complaining about the music Alex listens to while he was complaining about G4's trains. They were laughing and joking with each other. Amanda was joking around with him as well - as they were each trying to proclaim they were the strongest. Poor Alex just doesn't stand a chance yet until he grows more! The kids agree with me that he has completed this family in a very special way!
Today it is to the oral surgeon to look into getting the wisdom teeth removed and then all afternoon in the studio for Amanda as she prepares for Nationals again this summer. Updates later......
Friday, June 1, 2012
Things calm down
Well, Alex seems more resigned to moving now. He has even been joking a little about it and using it to get his way with things. I know he is manipulating me a little, but I am just content to let it happen. I have to get through to him that I have unconditional love for him and no matter what happens, he is my baby forever!
We got passes to 7 Peaks water park and spent a good portion of the afternoon there yesterday. It was fun just kicking back and sun bathing and visiting with friends.
He seemed a little quiet this morning, but was back to his normal self after a furious session working out and kicking and punching the wavemaster! He really seems to need a physical outlet for his emotions. Once he works out the aggression, then he is back to his old self. I knew he was going through something this morning, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was. It is so weird being connected to someone so deeply that you know their every emotion, but you can't tell why because of the language barrier. Alex is also very resistant to getting in help translating, preferring to either work it out himself or try to communicate with me directly.
We are back to our old issues of trying to integrate Alex into the family as quickly as possible, but it seems very hard to do. He is very used to doing things on his own, and coupled with the busy lives that everyone else in the household are living, makes for a lot of solitary time. He also needs time away from us, just bike riding or running, where he can get away and not feel the smothering presence of all of us. Unfortunately, that leaves the rest of us, when we can get together (like at the dining room table for dinner) feeling bereft without his presence.
I feel in a way like I have two families right now. One made up of myself, G3, G4, and Amanda, and the other myself and Alex. I am the only bridge between the two and it can be draining at times. I want us all to feel like one cohesive unit but until the language barriers, culture shock, and other things settle down, I don't see it happening. This isn't necessarily a bad thing though. I think the time that Alex takes alone, is good for the rest of us to keep connected and in touch with each other. I have very ambivalent feelings about this. On one hand, I want us all to be together, but on the other, I don't want to change the way things were and potentially have the rest of the family feel slighted with the attention Alex is taking away from them.
Right now though, the time he takes is not really cutting into anyone else's time, but my own. I am flitting back and forth between people, making sure everyone's needs are met. I know that I am just being impatient and that integration will occur with time, but it sure is hard to wait it out.
I was talking to Becky the other day and she gave me a flash of insight. She rightly pointed out that Alex probably needs a physically demonstrative sign of integration into the family. So, I went out today and bought another little boy sticker to add to the family stickers on the back of my car. G3 had pointed out that we needed to do this, but I just have been too busy. So, we will have a big ceremony tonight to put it on the back of the car. I hope that by starting to do more things like this, we will help Alex realize what he means to us and what it means to be in a family.
The other thing I need to work on is building bridges with G4 and Amanda. They are both so driven and on a master plan for their lives, that they have very little time of tolerance of others. Amanda and Alex are closer, since she spent time in Ukraine, but still are not as close as I would like to see. I have to come up with ideas of things they can do together that can help them bond closer. So please, send me your ideas.
Otherwise, things still are going well overall. We have had very few problems in the grand scheme of problems and Alex and I have such good open communication and understanding of each other that I feel really stable and good about the way things are progressing. He barked something at me this morning (he demanded breakfast) and when I brought it down, I just gave him the plate and walked off - which is highly unusual. Usually I would sit with him while he ate and make sure he was ok and touch him on his shoulder or kiss him. Instead of saying anything about the imperious tone he took with me, I opted to give him what he had demanded just to let him know that he would be taken care of no matter what. However, I didn't follow it up with the usual niceties, subtly saying to him - you no give, you no get! He knew something was up and called as I walked away, "Mom, MOM!" I turned around and before I could say anything, he launched himself into my arms and kissed me saying, "Thank you, I love you." He knew I wasn't happy about how he had acted, and was offering up his form of apology. He knows me as well as I know him, and that is helping where communication is lacking!
Hope everyone is enjoying their summer fun!
We got passes to 7 Peaks water park and spent a good portion of the afternoon there yesterday. It was fun just kicking back and sun bathing and visiting with friends.
He seemed a little quiet this morning, but was back to his normal self after a furious session working out and kicking and punching the wavemaster! He really seems to need a physical outlet for his emotions. Once he works out the aggression, then he is back to his old self. I knew he was going through something this morning, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was. It is so weird being connected to someone so deeply that you know their every emotion, but you can't tell why because of the language barrier. Alex is also very resistant to getting in help translating, preferring to either work it out himself or try to communicate with me directly.
We are back to our old issues of trying to integrate Alex into the family as quickly as possible, but it seems very hard to do. He is very used to doing things on his own, and coupled with the busy lives that everyone else in the household are living, makes for a lot of solitary time. He also needs time away from us, just bike riding or running, where he can get away and not feel the smothering presence of all of us. Unfortunately, that leaves the rest of us, when we can get together (like at the dining room table for dinner) feeling bereft without his presence.
I feel in a way like I have two families right now. One made up of myself, G3, G4, and Amanda, and the other myself and Alex. I am the only bridge between the two and it can be draining at times. I want us all to feel like one cohesive unit but until the language barriers, culture shock, and other things settle down, I don't see it happening. This isn't necessarily a bad thing though. I think the time that Alex takes alone, is good for the rest of us to keep connected and in touch with each other. I have very ambivalent feelings about this. On one hand, I want us all to be together, but on the other, I don't want to change the way things were and potentially have the rest of the family feel slighted with the attention Alex is taking away from them.
Right now though, the time he takes is not really cutting into anyone else's time, but my own. I am flitting back and forth between people, making sure everyone's needs are met. I know that I am just being impatient and that integration will occur with time, but it sure is hard to wait it out.
I was talking to Becky the other day and she gave me a flash of insight. She rightly pointed out that Alex probably needs a physically demonstrative sign of integration into the family. So, I went out today and bought another little boy sticker to add to the family stickers on the back of my car. G3 had pointed out that we needed to do this, but I just have been too busy. So, we will have a big ceremony tonight to put it on the back of the car. I hope that by starting to do more things like this, we will help Alex realize what he means to us and what it means to be in a family.
The other thing I need to work on is building bridges with G4 and Amanda. They are both so driven and on a master plan for their lives, that they have very little time of tolerance of others. Amanda and Alex are closer, since she spent time in Ukraine, but still are not as close as I would like to see. I have to come up with ideas of things they can do together that can help them bond closer. So please, send me your ideas.
Otherwise, things still are going well overall. We have had very few problems in the grand scheme of problems and Alex and I have such good open communication and understanding of each other that I feel really stable and good about the way things are progressing. He barked something at me this morning (he demanded breakfast) and when I brought it down, I just gave him the plate and walked off - which is highly unusual. Usually I would sit with him while he ate and make sure he was ok and touch him on his shoulder or kiss him. Instead of saying anything about the imperious tone he took with me, I opted to give him what he had demanded just to let him know that he would be taken care of no matter what. However, I didn't follow it up with the usual niceties, subtly saying to him - you no give, you no get! He knew something was up and called as I walked away, "Mom, MOM!" I turned around and before I could say anything, he launched himself into my arms and kissed me saying, "Thank you, I love you." He knew I wasn't happy about how he had acted, and was offering up his form of apology. He knows me as well as I know him, and that is helping where communication is lacking!
Hope everyone is enjoying their summer fun!
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