Recently, my husband and I were bemoaning Alex’s surliness. It wasn't anything egregious, just the usual sneer and attitude that has become common place. And don’t get me wrong, overall things are great and Alex is doing well. It is just there are those reminders every day that this is not a child you raised their whole life as they never would react or talk to you that particular way. Most of the time he is a perfect gentleman, polite and agreeable, but there is that small percentage that we can’t seem to break into or through. Sometimes I think he doesn't know he is being surly, I think he doesn't want to be interrupted or is irritated by an intrusion and forgets how to talk to family. After all, for a long time, he didn't have a family to worry about. When we bring these times to his attention, usually he apologizes and if the wronged person is upset, he will really feel bad. Sometimes though he will lash back even more and we will just have to trundle off and shrug or shoulders.
So, the last time this happened, Daddy John was trying to give Alex the agenda for the following day when he said goodnight and oh boy, he got his head bitten off. And here is how I think we differ from a lot of parents. We just let these times happen and don’t redirect or correct if it is directed at us. When it is directed outside of the family or at another child, we intervene, but with us, I figure it will happen with time and I have learned to ignore it. But John was a little more mad, so I figured out a way to calm him down.
Me being a math major in college and all, this approach by the numbers made perfect sense to me. I calculated for Alex's 17th birthday, which is coming up in 2 weeks, but the few days won't throw off the calculation too much. Alex has been alive 7,205 days. Of those days, 866 have been with us as a family. I picked the date we arrived back in America because we all know the time together in Ukraine is the weirdest limbo time of not parenting in the world. So if you look at his life in percentages - only 12% have we affected and been his parents. That means that governing 88% are from someone else.
Now let’s go a little further and look at the course of a normal day. If you consider 12% should be by my way, that is 2.88 hours or 3 hours for ease. But in reality, some of that is spent sleeping - ok a lot of it is spent sleeping, usually 12 hours a day (or if not sleeping, in bed away from my nagging and supervision.) So now we have 12% of 12 hours, 1.44 hours or 1.5 on a good day.
This was an eye opener as I gleefully explained to my husband that I get that time in homeschooling. And it is really true - I don’t think we have ever gone over 2 hours in a day. Maybe we have, but not usually. I make sure that we do our lessons when he is well rested, happy, full tummy, etc. Schoolwork is too important to mess with. The rest of the time - well, now I know where it is coming from. I am hysterically laughing at this, as I consider it the funniest thing I have ever heard, as my poor hubby is grumbling and fussing that it isn't fair that I get all the good time.
Now the next time Alex is a pill, I will be able to explain it away even easier than I have before. But he will have to keep giving an increasing percentage! By 2016 I will have worked my way up to 2.1 hours. Woo Hoo!
