Dearest Dema,
Well to continue back on our story….The day after the park meeting, I got a phone call from R. saying that indeed they would be bringing you that evening after dinner to stay with us for the rest of your visit! We were so excited. Panic ensued in the house as we cleaned it from top to bottom. We scoured everything, then went to work preparing a room for you…..
Amanda was upset because the room we were going to give Dema had a "girly" looking comforter and window treatment. So, G3 had to switch the window covering from another bedroom and I had to remake the bed with more "manly" accoutrements. We moved a squashy chair into the room along with a nightstand and then ran around the house finding knickknacks to make the room look homey. Amanda donated a clock and her favorite blue Lava lamp from her sitting room, G4 a hex bug game, G3 a poster of a rugby team, and I set up some Legos of a Ferrari car on the bookcase.
We were done by about 5:00pm and then sat around for the next three hours because I wouldn't let anyone walk on the carpet that had freshly vacuumed carpet marks on it. Everyone kept fussing at me that I was being ridiculous, but I was insistent on putting our best foot forward and that meant a clean, freshly vacuumed carpet, and how could people tell that if there weren't any carpet marks on it? G4 and Amanda were so anxious, they could barely sit still. We occupied our time with learning the Russian phrases for good evening and how are you of which everyone promptly forgot in the excitement of Dema's arrival.
Finally, there was a knock at the door. R. and his daughter N. were there, along with the director of the orphanage, her translator, and Dema bringing up the rear looking very angry and put out. As we came to find out, he had first been hosted for a week with a family that did not offer adoption. Then he was moved around and ended up with a family that had no intention of adopting, but he didn't really know that. This second family had a bunch of teenage boys and lived in a neighborhood where there was a bunch more of teenage boys - in short - an ideal scenario for Dema. There was no shortage of bikes, video games, skateboards, etc. to keep him busy, along with an endless supply of 13 year old boys just like him.
So, here he was, plucked out of this second family where he was having fun and then brought over to us. No wonder he looked so angry and scared. Dema, I will never forget how you looked sitting on the couch - so small and frightened. I wanted to run over and tell you it would be okay and not to worry about anything, but of course, as usual, all we could do was smile, say hello in Russian, and sit there grinning at you. Maybe you were getting the telepathic messages of welcome and love - but based upon your facial expressions - I don't think so!
Well, it was late after everyone left and Amanda and G4 showed Dema his room and where to drop his stuff. There was a little playtime but pretty much off to bed after that.
I am going to fast forward through the next week, after all Dema was with us so he won't need any remembrances. Just suffice it to say, we had the best time with him all week. There were some challenges - we discovered pretty quickly that he didn't like being told what to do and he initially used the language barrier to circumvent us, but we were on to that pretty quick. But with humor and perseverance, we all had a wonderful time and felt he fit in so well. It was like we had always had three children. He was certainly as messy as our others and as cranky in the mornings! He was as picky an eater as our kids too, one night scraping his plate and asking for more salad, the next turning up his nose at it. But there was never a problem with Cokes and donuts...hmm.. I am going to have to break this habit when he comes back.
But all too soon, it was Monday morning and we had to drive him to the airport. I had already cried packing his bags the night before but I was worried that I would break down when time came to say good-bye. I think we were all sad to contemplate having to let him go back home. We had already had "the talk" with him several nights before, where we had offered to him to become a part of our family. He had indicated through a translator that he wanted to, but you are never quite a hundred percent sure what is being communicated and if there are any caveats or nuances you are not aware of. We sincerely hope we were able to communicate the depth of our feelings for him and how much he was wanted. There was also that minuscule concern that something would go wrong and we would never see him again. After all, the decision to adopt Dema was the easy part, now two governments and masses of paperwork and monetary expenditures were standing in between Dema and us.
The airport was a scene of mass confusion, with tearful goodbyes from all the hosting families, and kids running everywhere, but all too soon, it was over and Dema was gone - back on his way to Ukraine.
The car ride home was awful, it was way too quiet! It took us about three or four days to stop looking for Dema. It was at least 3 days before I could bear to go into his room, and at that, all I could do was make his bed - I didn't have the heart to strip the sheets off yet. As of my writing this - 2 weeks later - I still haven't.
So Dema, we are slowly catching up to the present, but we still have some ways to go. Here seems like a good place to end this letter so, remember, we love you and can't wait to see you again.
Love,
Bethany, Amanda, G3, and G4
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