I'm Tired of the Differences

      I am sure this will sound whiny, but there are times that I get tired of the fact that Alex is adopted. He feels like he has always been mine, he acts like he has always been mine, so why every once in a while does life reach out and smack you in the face and remind me that no in fact, Alex was not born to me, has not always been with me, and will always be in some respects different.

      I was conversing with another mom at a homeschooling outing and made some reference to Alex’s schoolwork. She looked quizzically at me and then another mom chimed in, “Oh, English is not his native language. He was adopted from Russia.” Okay, not Russia, but close enough I wasn’t going to fuss, and I really didn’t feel like talking about the adoption, the process, how did you decide to do it, what led you to a teenager, etc, etc, etc.

I feel bad, because I know people are only asking due to curiosity and not any malevolent intentions, but I do get tired of the questions. This is hard too, as I know that we need to be ambassadors for teen adoptions. There are few enough of them and most of what is publicized is negative.

I was explaining to someone the other day that initially, I went through a grieving phase where I had to come to terms with the fact that there were 14 birthdays and christmases that I missed. I missed baby teeth, first day of school, and so much more,and there was nothing I could do to get those back. I think I came to terms with that reality, but maybe not since I get so irritated at times when it is brought back up. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not always this cranky about it, and usually embrace telling the story. I also really can talk about and consider Alex’s life before me without getting fussy. But there are times when I don’t want it in the forefront of my mind. I want it buried further down so that we can focus on togetherness and the future rather than the past.

So, in that vein, I have embraced the fact that there are things which will occur all too fast for me, but not for Alex, the first of which is driving. He turned 15 in January and has been pestering us to learn how to drive. So, we signed him up for a driver’s ed program and got him his learner’s permit today. He was so excited! Actually, I am really excited about this as I get a break from chauffeuring around. He drove home from the DMV today and then was begging to go out again. In an uncharacteristic offer, he wanted to go run errands, so he could drive!

So watch out streets of Seattle!