Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day Everyone!!

We have been home for 4 days now and are still settling into a routine. Some things never change - I am back to sitting for hours on end in a Tae Kwon Do studio watching Amanda struggle with her asthma and cholinergic urticaria. After almost a year of being a black belt recommended, she has earned the right to undergo the last step next weekend and get her first Dan rank. She is spending hours preparing for it and is very excited.

The first two days we were home, Alex and I pretty much just spent sleeping and eating. As I get older, it is harder and harder to acclimate to travel! But I noticed that even Alex has had trouble switching between time zones.

On Saturday, G3 took G4 and Alex to do paintball, since my bad boy has an unnatural fascination with guns. Maybe this will be therapeutic for him and get it out of his system. This is so ironic since I am the ultimate pacifist and don’t even believe that guns have a place anywhere in our society! Guess I have just seen a few too many GSW in the ER when I was working. They had a great time, came back covered with a few bruises and welts! It was a little more barbaric than they thought it would be and I don’t think they will be jumping to do it again anytime soon.

As I was reflecting this morning, things with Alex have almost been too easy. I know we are probably in our honeymoon phase now, but so far anything we have faced has been so minor it is almost laughable. I think I am living in a state of concern as I wait for something bad to happen. I read too many blogs early on and I think was too well prepared for the worst to happen. But on the other hand, I think that it was helpful in a way to deplete me of any expectations I might have had of what kind of experience I would have over in Ukraine while adopting, and what kind of son Alex would be.

He seems so carefree most of the time, but I noticed that there are times when he is a little sad and downcast. After paintball, he came home and went bike riding, then we all ended up in a huge water gun battle that was a lot of fun. But almost like a switch going off, he clammed up and went down to the basement and started boxing like a fiend on our workout bag. He seemed like he wanted to get out some aggression. I know that still misses his girlfriend and friends very much, and I am sure at times that on top of being here gets a little overwhelming. When I called him to dinner, he refused to come, so we left his plate at the table and kept trying to get him to eat. (I was a little miffed, after scouring cookbooks to find a meal he would like and then spending 2 hours making it.) When he did finally come upstairs, I could tell immediately that he was unhappy, he is very expressive in his face. G3 and I were talking, but it almost seemed like he was reacting to how much fun he had had that afternoon, he was almost acting mad at himself. I think he forgot about Ukraine for a while and it scared him and made him feel guilty.

But then we had an unexpected bonus! We received a surprise visit from the Bahr family, and he was roused out of his funk for a while to came and visit. But in a way, I think that he was almost more sad afterward - I think it reminded him of all that he had lost and the difficulties ahead with a new language, culture, and family. I think all of this compounded with being physically tired and a lack of food, made for one quiet and grumpy little boy. He ate a little for dinner (actually only the salad that Vira brought over) and then called out to me, “Night, mom.” This is highly unusual, as he usually comes and finds me, specifically seeking me out to say good night. I went to him, and I think this was another test - he was waiting at the top of the stairs to see if I would come to him or just call out good night as well.

I gave him a big hug and told him that I knew he was unhappy and that I was sorry. He threw himself into my arms and gave me another big hug and told me he was tired. I told him I loved him and toddled him off to bed.

This morning, after a good night’s sleep, he was back to his chipper self. G3 cooked with the kid’s help a huge breakfast of belgian waffles, fake sausage and fresh fruit smoothies. It was delicious. Alex sat with us at the table for almost the whole meal without wanting to bolt off as he usually does. Then we got ready and went shopping. Everyone was surprised that I chose shopping for him and G4 as my mother’s day activity, but the more clothes they have - the less I have to do laundry! G4 has grown again - unbelievable but true and of course Alex only has a few things. So, off we went to Park City outlets to get some serious shopping done.

I think he has finally gotten the hang of shopping. He got into the spirit and started really picking out clothes and trying them on. He was less picky, thank goodness! He even picked out a suit and tie, I was so surprised. When he tried them on and came out of the dressing room, he was so handsome! I almost started crying but I knew that would irritate him so I busied myself with checking the neck and sleeves and generally fussing so that I could concentrate on the details and ignore the big picture that was making me all emotional.

He made out like a bandit with bags and bags of clothes. G3 scored a major triumph when Alex didn’t want to try on a pair of jeans that I begged and pleaded with him to try on - and guess what? He loved them!

We went out to eat and had a magnificent lunch and then walked up and down Main Street in Park City. He wants to send a card to Olga, so I bought him a nice card with a celtic love knot on the front that says, Two hearts - One Soul, on the front. He was very happy and definitely approved. We came home and just like a little kid, he had to go change into one of his new outfits. He went out bike riding, but as always, he only goes about 10-15 minutes before he has to come back and assure himself that I am there.

We have just been schmoozing around the house, playing in the back yard, letting the chickens roam, and generally doing nothing important. When it got dark, I wanted to type this blog and this little weasel had appropriated my computer to listen to some music, so we reached an accord. He is sitting next to me playing Call of Duty 3, with headphones plugged into my computer playing music on it, while I am typing away. Amanda is working at the table next to us on her black belt poster presentation, G3 and G4 are making a cake for Grandma and myself for dessert, and Grandma is enjoying a glass of wine just relaxing.

I really couldn’t be happier and more content - on this first mother’s day with everyone around me. I feel so happy and blessed. I know that we will have more bumps in the road, but I hope that I am learning him as well as he is learning me and that we will work things out. I have found so far that the few times he has been sad or down, just to acknowledge it and tell him I love him has been the best medicine. Hopefully, as time goes on, he will realize that we are definitely here to stay and will support him no matter what.

Tomorrow, we have his first Muay Thai Kickboxing lesson - should be fun! Will keep everyone updated. He has a cell phone number now and an email address - so if you all want to contact him directly, please email me and I will pass it along.