Jealousy & Building Trust

We are continuing to build relationships here. Alex was fine yesterday until some jealousy reared its ugly head. Or at least that is what I think it was. He was in a fine mood before kickboxing yesterday but then Amanda had a serious asthma attack at her Tae Kwon Do studio necessitating me to stop there before taking him to class. She was fine, her master knows her well and had started the appropriate medications, so by the time I got there, she was fine. But I think that he was aware of how worried I was. Then on the way home, I was on the phone with her master and I really felt him withdraw from me. I think he understands intellectually that I have other children, but emotionally, we have been so connected, that I think he resents it a little bit. Maybe I am off base, but he went straight to bed last night and wouldn't even say good night to me! That is a change, I think I was getting punished a little.

But this morning, he seemed back to normal - playful and happy. He seemed over his pique. We went to the doctor this morning and got him started on his Hepatitis B vaccination series. Then we got his foot x-rayed to make sure that the broken bone had healed properly (which it had), and then got my knee looked at and x-rayed. I have torn two ligaments and bruised the back surface of the patella, but it is healing, and hopefully, will continue to heal without incident.

We have had a few problems with Alex trying to call Mariupol without permission. He keeps trying on his cell phone, but smartly, we blocked international calls! He did use up the rest of our Skype credits without permission as well calling Mariupol (it was only $4) but still, G3 landed on him pretty hard telling him that we have to be able to trust him. We have agreed to let him call once a week, but more than that no, unless he comes and asks and can provide a really good reason. Remember the movie 'Meet the Fockers" - well G3 was saying that Alex has moved out of the circle of trust! Ha, Ha.

For now, we have opted to let G3 play the heavy and me to be the accepting, loving one. I usually would not condone this type of parenting - I think that a united front is the best defense against children. But in this case, it just feels right for me to be the forgiving one that has trust just because he is there. I want him to know that there is nothing he can do to get rid of his forever family, we love him just the way he is. But at the same time, I think having to earn G3's trust provides a little incentive to work hard and try. I am so concerned that he will think we will abandon him too, that he will lose the motivation to change and try to be a part of the family. So this feels like a good compromise. And so far I think it is working. When G3 confronted him about the phone calls, he was chagrined and got REALLy quiet. We have seen that shutter come down before. And he was quiet with me until he realized that I was treating him the same. Once he realized that I wasn't mad or upset with him, he loosened right up. I don't want to be the naive, accepting one of all his bad behavior, but I do want to give him a refuge here of acceptance. That is what his friends are at the orphanage, but if I want to compete with them, I need to make one here. So, I will let you all know how it turns out!