Sore Muscles and Tickle Fights

Monday night Alex had his first kickboxing class. We found a gym up in Draper that has classes, so I made the trek up there with him. They were very nice and accomodating. He really enjoyed the classes. When we got there, the wife of the owner/chief instructor was behind the counter and was asking about his background in the martial arts, which of course I could not answer other than to say I didn't think it was much. Her 16 yo son, Nicholas, was listening in and stepped up and volunteered to be Alex's partner in the classes. What a wonderful young man. He really liked Alex and they had a lot of fun together. At the end of the 2 hours, he came over and told me how much he enjoyed working out with Alex and how he would like to get to know him better. I was really impressed.

However, the mom was a different story. In between classes, when there was a little break, she calls everyone over in a circle and points to Alex telling everyone, "This kid is from Russia, he doesn't speak English, so be nice to him." I was a little angry because the last thing Alex needs is to be stared at like some freak side show attraction. It is funny how people react to him. I wish they could all be as nice as Nicholas and as accepting of him like it is no big deal. But there will always be those that want to point him out or like the customs officer in Minneapolis who was shouting at Alex like he was retarded just because he didn't speak English. I think I am going to have to develop a little routine when I introduce him to people to help stop occurrences like this.

Anyway, it was quite a workout. Alex has a lot of natural talent and wants to continue classes. But the next morning, boy was he sore. He came limping upstairs and could barely hug me! I fixed him a big breakfast and over the day he gradually worked out the kinks. We are going back tonight for more punishment. Maybe all this sitting and vicariously exercising between him and Amanda will do me some good!

Yesterday, I did get a little miffed at him. He is so easy to handle and really we are having no issues, with a few minor exceptions. He doesn't seem to have any concept of a family yet, or the fact that he has to subjugate his desires for others in the family. Amanda has been begging him to come to one of her karate classes with her, just once, to introduce him to her friends and work out with her. For whatever reason, Alex doesn't want to. And here is where the language barrier gets really frustrating. I don't know why he doesn't, but anyway, I got mad at him yesterday after begging him just for Amanda. He knew I was mad at him and later relented. He came up to me a few hours later and said, "I love you mom. Is ok?" Of course he knows that I can't resist him. So I gave him a big hug and told him that I loved him. We reached an agreement that he would just come to the class, meet everyone, and then leave. So that is what we did. But I do see that we are going to have to work on this concept with him. He has never had a real family unit, so I am not surprised. I was talking to Alisa yesterday about this, and while I know that all these kids have different backgrounds, and that they have had different family situations, the one thing they have in common is a disrupted family sense. So, I think all of us will have to deal with this in one way or another.

We worked first on sitting at a table while eating with others. He used to like to bolt off when he was done, but now he seems to get the concept that we all sit together until the end of the meal. We are lucky that he is older, because many of these things like this we have not been telling him, but rather modeling the behavior that we want. This way I think it makes it more gentle - I worry that if I say anything it will be taken as a criticism and interpreted as an, "I don't love you."

We are trying to use this on other behaviors that we don't want either. Like violent video games. I am a Mario Kart kind of parent and he is a Call of Duty kid. So when he asked for it and several others, I only bought him the teen rated Call of Duty and when he plays it, everyone else just kind of wanders off. Pretty soon he will figure out that this is not what everyone likes to do and I think it will extinguish itself. And if it doesn't in a couple of months, his english will be better so that I can explain it better, without hurting his feelings or making him feel like he is flawed for liking something that the rest of us do not approve of.

He is continuing to test me a little. When we were in the supermarket yesterday, we ended up on the aisle with beer. He asked me if I wanted to get some, but I said no. Then with this sly look at me he told me, "American beer better. Ukrainian beer bad." I looked at him and saw that he was trying to get a rise out of me! I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "Well, I liked Ukrainian beer, but you won't be drinking any beer in America. Hey, do you want these potato chips?" He kind of looked confused for a minute because he was trying to get me mad or say I wouldn't love him if he drank, but when I made no big deal about it, it totally deflated his sails.

G3 and Alex had a lot of fun last night with a tickle fight and wrestling. I think it is good for him to have time with G3 since I am with him all day long. Between homeschooling him and everything else, we are joined at the hip. It is nice for him to have some time with G3 to bond with him as well.

Before I went to bed last night, I brought him into our bedroom and sat him down on the edge of the bed with me and with a combination of charades and google translate told him that I understood it was hard to be in a family sometimes. He emphatically shook his head no. I then told him that I get mad sometimes like I did earlier, and he acknowledged that. Then I told him I loved him always no matter what. He threw himself in my arms and gave me a big hug and told me he loved me - so all in all - successful parenting moment.