Major breakthrough

Ok, well, maybe not a major breakthrough, but certainly a good one!

We have had a busy couple of days here, preparing Amanda for her black belt test. She has been spending hours in the studio and that has taken me away from everyone else in the family, as her medical conditions mean I have to be there with her. It culminated today in an 11 hour day at the studio.

The boys were asleep when I left this morning with her. When G3 could finally rouse them out of bed, they went up to REI in Salt Lake to buy some kayaking equipment that we have needed that was on sale. Grandma helped spell me at the studio, as sitting there for hours gets long and tiring. Amanda did great though, she had one bad asthma attack, but we were able to keep it under control. She had so much fun overall, the culmination of five years hard work.

The boys came later in the afternoon and sat quietly and patiently throughout the whole ceremony, which was running very late. Then we all came rushing home for a party that we were throwing to celebrate Amanda's accomplishments and to help introduce Alex to some other teenagers.

Everyone had a great time, dancing and playing around. Alex is certainly getting comfortable and feeling at home here. He seemed really happy and carefree.

But, to get to my breakthrough. After most people had left, Alex came and grabbed me and took me outside to the porch and told me to sit down and talk to him. He handed me his phone and pulled up google translate and pointed to it. Then he asked me about girls and wanted me just to talk to him. So we spent about 45 minutes just talking together about dating, girls, etc. It was a great segue into parental expectations. He was very open and really listened to what I was saying. He had a lot of questions and I think I was able to answer a lot of them. I guess he has never really had someone to talk to like that and was really wondering about one girl in particular in our neighborhood that he had met. He was asking a lot of questions about love and relationships and about parents. He was scared about having to deal with a girlfriends parents, and I can understand it. He probably has never had to deal with other parents before!

Then about an hour later, I went downstairs to clean up and found him moping around on the couch downstairs. He was looking really sad, so I went over to him and asked him what was wrong. He told me. "Nothing." I of course told him that he was telling a lie - that I knew him really well and that he was unhappy at which point he smiled and said, "Yes, mom. you know me." I felt triumphant at this admission!

I talked some more to him and asked him if he was missing Ukraine and Mariupol. He emphatically said no. So I had a flash of brilliance and asked him if he was lonely. This was the ticket! He said yes and then shrugged his shoulders. I wrote on google translate that I knew he was having a hard time but I also reminded him that he has only been here 10 days. I tried to reassure him that he would have friends but that it would take time. I told him that we loved him and just wanted him happy, and not to be impatient. After he had been here some more time, I assured him that it would get better.

I don't know if I made him feel any better, but I did get a smile out of him. I hugged him and told him I loved him, then hugged him again. He clung to me and I almost started crying, but knew that I couldn't! We just sat for a minute of two holding each other. Then I told him that I loved him again. I told him to go listen to some music and forget about everything for a while. He smiled and said good night.

I feel like we are cementing a good relationship together. He seems more confident in our love for him now and seems to be homesick less. I think that the culture shock and language barrier will be the next big stumbling blocks, but I know that in time, we will be able to get over them. I think that this was the first time that I was able to really portray some of our family values to him and help him understand some adult type issues. He has obviously had a lot of "adult type experiences" but not the understanding that goes along with them. I feel like tonight I was able to fit some of that into the conversation in a very natural way that didn't sound preachy or dictatorial. I hope that I was able to make him feel empowered to do things right and to really understand what he was feeling and how to act on it. I hope more teachable moments like this pop up because I feel like a giant step in the right direction was taken. He is such a wonderful kid - I just sometimes can't believe how lucky we are to have found him!