Home at Last!

Dearest Alex,

Well, we got to the airport this morning early for our 6:25 am flight. I for some reason couldn’t sleep, maybe it was the clock watching, but I was awake at 2:30am after having gone to bed at 11:30pm. Very yucky.

But I have to fill everyone in on last night. It was the funniest, saddest, and all around weirdest night that totally captured the essence of this whole adoption thing. When we got back from shopping at 4:00 pm, you hadn’t been there 5 minutes when you were getting ready to go out again. I, of course, didn’t want you to go. I knew Sasha was coming over at 5:00pm to square up money and that we had to get to bed early to get up uber-early. You said 6:00pm, I said 5:00pm and finally we settled on 5:30pm. Then you were off. Well, being a good mom, I decided to go spy on you. So about 5 minutes after you left, I got some of the garbage together and was going to go outside under the guise of looking for the garbage. Lame, I know, but moms will do anything for their kids!

So, I got to the front door and couldn’t open it. You have been in charge of the keys since G3 left, and he had dealt with them before that, so I had never even opened the door of the apartment myself. I looked at it and tried to open the door, no luck. I figured you had locked it on your way out, so I turned a few knobs and, no luck. By this time I was starting to get a little frustrated because I knew my spying was in jeopardy and I was hot and sweaty. Now a word about the humidity level. It was RAINING AGAIN!!! All day, off and on. The temperature was not too hot but the air was saturated with moisture. Any movement, and I mean any movement resulted in torrents of sweat running off of me. Minimal movement was what was in order, and here I was wrestling with the door! And if you all know me, which by now you do probably more intimately than you want to, you know that I am the kind of person who hates to sweat. In fact any activity that might cause sweat is immediately boycotted. I might glisten occasionally if it is really hot, but that is my limit.

So here I am swearing at the door, at you, at Ukraine, basically at everyone in my life and the door still doesn’t open. I went into the living room area and stood in front of a fan for a few minutes to cool off and got my temper under control. I reasoned that the door had to be able to be opened, I just needed to approach it in a scientific manner. So once cooled down, I readdressed it calmly and confidently. There were two locks and I kept trying them in combination. And guess what, no luck - I just could not get it open. I realized then that you needed the key to get it open. So I was out of luck, no spying and no getting out of the apartment building if it caught on fire. You also had taken the phone with you (because I always made you take it when you went out alone) so I could not contact anyone.

Then the doorbell rings - it’s Sasha! That’s right. Now what was I going to do? He is standing outside saying let me in. I am yelling back through the door - I can’t. Thank goodness he lives close by and was able to go get another set of keys. The apartment actually belongs to his father-in-law. So he was able to get in, only to discover, that indeed I was not locked in, I am just an idiot that can’t open doors.

So, he asks where you are, I look like a massive parenting failure because I can only say I don’t know. And I look like some crazy woman, sweaty and disheveled. I was ready to cry at this point. He and I talked for a while, basically him lecturing me on keeping a tight rein on you. Then he said that he felt he needed to call the orphanage director and have her talk to you and threaten to take you back. I just about keeled over. That’s all I needed right there, to scare the crap out of you that if you don’t behave I will abandon you too! So I begged him not to. I need to bond with you, build trust, and threatening you is not the way to do it. So we talked some more (or rather I listened), and then you finally came!

You came in holding something behind your back, but I was so relieved that you were back that I just ran up and hugged and kissed you. Then as I was gasping and choking on a cloud of cigarette smoke that surrounded you, you brought out roses from behind your back - beautiful ones! Hard to see as I was spluttering and gagging on the smoke but appreciated nonetheless. I think Sasha was surprised.

Then he lit into you and told you not to go out anymore. You looked crestfallen. I knew you had come home only to give me the flowers and then were wanting to go out again. You talked with him and then before I knew it, were gone again! Sasha explained that you had a friend nearby that you were hanging out with and just wanted to go say good-bye. He seemed relieved that that was what had been taking you out so much too, and said as much to me. I guess that explains the smoking too. I didn’t always smell smoke on you, and I am ashamed to say that I riffled through all of your things while you were gone to see what I could find - which was a big, fat zero. You were just being a bad boy when you were hanging out with this friend.

I was feeling a little low at this point, as I was disappointed that you had not shared your friend with me. He would have been welcome to come over and visit (under my supervision would have been best - don’t you all think?) But it really highlighted to me that we are going to have work on trust and communication. But you finally came back. And when you were walking back, the heavens opened up and you got drenched - hah - a little part of me was snarky and said serves you right.

But you came back, I was happy, and Sasha left. Then you pointed to your stomach, settled in with a DVD in Russian we had bought earlier at the mall and off I went to cook a dinner with the little remaining food we had left. Well, evidently it was not enough because about 45 minutes later (after I had cleaned up and done all the dishes) you came into the kitchen all dressed saying, “I go out. Get more food.” I just about died. I was already changed into jammies and was helpless once again as off you went. I couldn’t very well deny you food could I? And to be honest, I was tired, it was raining, and you were just wearing me down.

You came back about 15 minutes later, riddled with smoke again, plopped down a grocery bag in the kitchen and off you went to finish your movie. After I stopped coughing and choking on the smoke, I cooked you ANOTHER dinner and then cleaned up from that one too. I forgot how much fun it was to have a growing teenage boy around. G4 went through his growth spurt early and had been out of it for a while. Oh the joys of parenting a teenage boy.

At this point I was sooo sweaty - nothing like a humid day with now the heat from two dinners to add to the discomfort. I kept repeating to myself, “Tomorrow it ends. Back on home turf. Just keep your cool.” I finally got everything cleaned up around 11:00pm and finished the last bit of packing. You were fed, happy, and content watching your movie and gave me the winningnest smile as I said good night. You couldn’t even rouse yourself out of your self-induced torpor to hug me good night, I had to crawl through cords, chargers, iPads, and computers to get to you. Talk about being comfortable.

I think this sums up the relationship really well. You are becoming closer to me day by day - I already know that I adore you - those bonds are strengthening - but there is a long way to go. Maybe most of it is communication, so I promise to work on my Russian as you work on your English. I will also work on changing that bad boy persona at home, but for now, just realize that I love you the way you are. No changes necessary.

Now that brings us to this morning. I was up, albeit grumpy and looking like the wicked witch, with bags under my eyes big enough to check as baggage, by 3:30am. Sergei was coming at 4:00pm. I snuck in and tried to wake you up. You opened one eye, said hello and I thought were going to get up. I checked back 10 minutes later to find you sprawled flat on your back again. So I tried again. Same thing. Finally, I was getting fussy and stayed until you actually sat up. But I think you were sleeping sitting up! Anyway, Sergei came a few minutes early and really started fussing at you - so you got moving, dressed and ready in record time.

The drive to the airport took about an hour. When we checked in they took an inordinate amount of time perusing your passport and then asked me for the ‘papers’. Thank goodness Sasha had warned me about this and I was ready to whip them out. Then we went to passport control and again they took forever. I think the guy read every line of the judgement and then asked you questions. We were getting quite the grumpy line behind us of people waiting.

The first leg of the trip was uneventful. You slept and snored all the way to Amsterdam, only waking up long enough to eat and drink. But before the plane took off, I detected a little forlornness in your attitude. I know it must be hard, and I wish I could talk to you and help you understand that you are not losing anything - you are simply adding, but once again I find myself helpless to communicate these feelings to you. I think deep down you know they are there - but it will be a while before we can let them out with words. 

Then in Amsterdam, we had to go through another passport check. When the airport official came up to us, he asked me if this was my son. I choked as I realized, this was the first time I was going to voice aloud the words that I knew in my heart, had worked so hard to be able to say, and was so proud to be able to voice. I told him, “Yes, this is my son!” I then told you in Russian what I said and was rewarded with a great big smile. I think I could have flown home right then and there on happiness. You seemed to be better and happier - maybe it was the sleep that did it. Or maybe those ties that bound you to Ukraine were melting away - but you were smiling more.

The trip to Amsterdam was long, long, long. And you were hungry the whole time - again joys of parenting a teenage boy. But we joked and laughed, and you ate! Then I got really tired and it was cold in the airplane. We snuggled under a blanket together and I slept on your shoulder for a few hours. I am glad you are a cuddler, both G3 and Amanda are totally lacking in that area!

Anyway, the electronics gradually failed one by one on the long flight and soon you were left with just listening to music. We had bought a book at a bookstore for you to read yesterday, but you kept saying later, later. I have to learn how to resist you. I think you are fast discovering that I am the weak link in the parenting chain. G4 and Amanda figured it out long ago, it just took them a while to do it. You have caught on faster because I am sure that you are testing me. I know you are - I didn’t fall off the turnip truck yesterday, but that is ok. Test away - nothing will diminish the feelings I have for you or unglue me from your side. Some day you will realize that.

Anyway, we talked and joked around for a while, you have a great sense of humor! You seemed very comfortable and happy and light-hearted. At one point you just leaned over and said, “Mom, I love you.” Boy you sure know how to tug at the heartstrings.

I am just thinking about the first day that I met you and how I knew instantly that you were the one for us! There was no question in my mind, and there still isn’t. Anyway, we finally arrived at home. You and I were so tired, that we could hardly walk straight. We got home in about an hour, but you had succumbed to your tiredness on the car ride home and slept for most of it.

We were excited to see your new room - it hadn’t been finished when we left yet. Grandma and G4 helped finish it and get everything settled for you. It looks great and I think you were happy to see it as well. You immediately settled right in and started playing and investigating everything - running back and forth touching everything like a kid at Christmas. You also seemed happy with our new dog, was really gotten with you in mind.

We had a nice dinner together, then celebrated with a cake that had Welcome Home Alex on it. G4 had some presents for everyone that he distributed, then we gradually scattered and then hit the sack one day at a time. It is great to be home and to be able to sleep in my own bed

Great first day home. Hope you liked too!

Love, Bethany, Amanda, G3, and G4