Just had to share my experiences today at the DOL in Washington. Alex turned 16 Saturday and today was the first day we could get into the DOL to get him his license. He was so excited and was making plans to drive here there and everywhere by himself! It was so cute to see.
So, I checked the website, made sure he had met all the requirements and gathered up all the paperwork and off we went. He already had had his permit for 10 months, had completed his drivers ed course, and passed the written and road test. I also never really know what paperwork people want to see, so I took:
1. His American Passport
2. His citizenship papers
3. Adoption decree with translation
4. Birth certificate with translation
5. His social security card
6. His learner’s permit
7. His state issued id card
8. My drivers license and passport
I think I had more authentication of Alex and our family than all of America combined. There was no way I had left a stone unturned document wise.
Well, we get there, get called up, and hit our first road block. The lady that helped me was very nice but when she asked for his birth certificate and I handed it to her, said that it would not suffice., she couldn’t read it. She said that it would have to be translated by one of their translators - they would not believe the court translation that was attached to the birth certificate. She said that I needed to PROVE that I was his mother. Never mind they had already given him a learners permit last year and a state issued id card - no for a drivers license they needed proof that I was his mom. And they would not believe anyone other than their translators. She scanned in the documents and we were told to sit and wait while she sent it into the “main office”. I was told my options were to either wait, or produce another document that “proved” I was Alex’s mother since I wasn’t the real mom. What this document could be - I am not sure - I cant produce anything other than a birth certificate or passport for my other bio children. I asked her what else I could do but she just brushed me off saying it was the regulations of the department of homeland security. I tried to explain to her that it was homeland security that runs UCIS now and they were the ones with the seal on his citizenship papers. Homeland security was already aware I was Alex’s parent and were ok with that - we had already proved that and they accepted it - but this dinky little DOL wasn't going to believe it?
So we cooled our jets waiting. I also reflected that at no time was the lady concerned with privacy - it was a small DOL office and not very busy and everyone was overhearing what was transpiring. Well, I was getting angry and was about to escalate the whole thing to a supervisor when we go the green light. The “main office” had emailed back that indeed, all paperwork was in order and we had sufficiently proved that Ale was my son, blah blah blah… we just had to wait a few minutes for the paperwork to be processed, pay, and then we would be done.
30 minutes later, we were still waiting, I had even gone up to check on the status when we were finally called up again. I pulled out my check and was ready to pay when the man behind the counter said, we have a few things left to fill out. What phone number can you be reached at? Then he asked Alex, “What is your mother’s maiden name?” Alex looked confused (he doesn't even know what that means) and I spoke up and gave it. Then I guess he needed to verify something on the birth certificate because he looked at it and said, “What’s this - where’s this from?” I shouldn't have said anything at that point as all had been resolved, but I found myself answering, “That is Alex’s birth certificate, he was adopted form Ukraine.” The guy looked at me and said, “Oh, you're not the real mom.” I answered with, “No, I am adoptive mom.” but was about to add that I was still his real mom when I felt Alex tugging at my sleeve. He bent his head down and whispered in my ear, “Please don’t make a fuss or say anything.”
So I shut my mouth. Then the gentleman looked at Alex and asked, “What’s your birth mom’s maiden name?” Alex looked like he had seen a ghost - he went white as a sheet and just stared back - he doesn't know his mom’s name as he was abandoned at birth. I stepped in and quickly shoved the adoption decree with birth mom’s name on it in front of the guy. He made such a big deal out of it saying, “Wow, thats a mouthful - let’s see, G..e…n..n…a…d…” etc as he was typing with the hunt and peck method one letter at a time. Alex looked like he was about to keel over.
Then the guy asked him, “Do you even know where she was born?” Alex did and answered in a whisper, “Mariupol, Ukraine.” Then the guy asked him where was his birth dad from as well. At this point I had and enough, I interrupted with asking how much it was going to be and then the guy looked at me and said, “Oh well, I have to redo the form - the computer system didn’t take it, I guess we will just use your information.” Then he asked Alex, “Do you know where she is from (indicating me) or your current dad?” Alex just shrugged - he was checked out at this point and I answered for him. I told him it was ok he didn't know. Then he wanted to know why I was on the birth certificate if I hadn’t given birth to Alex. I just told him that it had been reissued at the time of adoption. I was ready to cry at this point. All of this was being done in a loud voice and everyone else at the DMV was getting their afternoon’s entertainment from what was going on.
Thankfully the inquisition was done. Alex got his picture taken and we got out of there. We were late for another appointment - had spent 1 and 1/2 hours there and Alex is so upset - he didn’t even want to drive anywhere tonight by himself - after all the plans he had made. My heart aches for him and me. I feel like so much less a person tonight and less of a mother. I wanted to scream and shout at those people, but I know Alex couldn’t have handled it. So, I will document, complain, send emails, and carry on but with a significantly dimmer view of the world than I had this morning. People can be so cruel to one another.
And after all that we had gone through as we were leaving the DOL the gentleman said, “Thanks for being patient. It’s not often that we get people like you in here, you know from somewhere else in these circumstances. It was neat meeting you.” What a great way to make us feel like freaks in a side show circus. And the funny thing was while we were there, we were the only caucasian people in the DOL and I heard at least 2 other languages being spoken by DOL workers. Alex and I were not different or unusual. We were being singled out unfairly because the staff wasn't educated. Welcome to the new America.
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