Day 11: Mariupol - What's in a name?

Dearest Dima,

Another beautiful spring day here in Mariupol. The trees and flowers are just starting to bloom. We had a restful morning not venturing out till noon. We went back to a restaurant we had been before for lunch and then relaxed at a cafe for a while before being picked up to go to the orphanage. I had been missing Starbucks but I am not anymore. They make a mean latte over here!

Before heading to the orphanage today we went to an office to sign the official application to adopt from the local region. All of our paperwork was processed and is currently in the hands of a courier on its way back to Kiev. We have been very thankful that everything has gone so smoothly. It has been about as quickly as it could be. Tomorrow we should be able to request a court date - hopefully before the end of April.

Then we were able to go to see you for a good long visit. It is always great to see you and spend time with you but I need to digress here for the other adoptive families.  The hardest part of all of this is seeing your child/children at the orphanage. The first time - well there is nothing like that wonderful feeling, seeing them for the first time. But soon after that it gets a little more complicated. You wait (and wait) all day for that precious 1 to 2 hours to see them. You get there and if you do not know their language - you just sit there and grin like an idiot. Now the little kids are probably a bit easier because you can just play with them, but someone like you, Dima, a teenager, is a little more complicated. You have to look cool, but still are trying to be on your best behavior, and there is NOTHING to do. For the parents, you want to keep the child happy, but you also feel like you are being judged by the staff as appropriate parental material! This is a no-win situation.

So, I decided, why not start schooling now. As I mentioned in a previous post, I picked up some flashcards and a workbook or two and now routinely bring them when we are going to be together. It fills the time and makes us look productive. And in an instance where there really aren’t any other good activities - this is the best I could find. Definitely, bring pictures on a computer or iPad to show. I also made a little family tree to show of our family. Games would be okay, but not for teens! They want music - so bring something that can play music like an ipod or iphone. We also have gone outside to take pictures, the lighting is just better. But after exhausting the above activities - it boils down to simply sitting and grinning at each other. We even pulled out the phone and called my mom (who just talked and talked like you could understand) and Alex (who probably lectured you - he wouldn’t say) and G4 (who had just awakened and had to go quickly to get ready for class).

We had three hours of this today and were really getting desperate when Sasha came back and said that it was time to go. But he dropped one little bomb on us - that we needed to pick your name by tomorrow! Your name that I had thought you would be is Dimitri Suprunchyck Gardiner. However after careful consideration and the input of Sasha, we all have decided that that name is a mouthful and would be too difficult. So, that leaves us with Dimitri (since you will still be called Dima) but that could be your first or middle name. So you could be Dimitri fill in the blank Gardiner or fill in the blank Dimitiri Gardiner. Yikes!

So of course we all have our favorites. Mine is Dimitri Alexander Gardiner, G3 likes Carlton Dimitri Gardiner, Amanda likes (oh - I forgot already!!!) and you said the name Jason or Artoom (sp?). That leaves us exactly nowhere. I have been searching online for names but they all seem wrong for you. This isn’t like naming a baby that has no personality to begin with. You are you and we have to pick a name that perfectly embodies all that you currently are and will be. So, anyone reading this - help! Please send in suggestions.

So, the visit was 3 hours of boredom on your part (and yes, I could tell that like any other teen-aged boy - sitting with parents is boring) and 10 minutes of sheer panic - and then it was time to go!

However, I must share something you said to me yesterday and again today. When we said good-bye yesterday, you said, “Bye, Mom.” I was surprised and felt it was a precious thing to keep to myself for a while. But today - you said it again loud enough for others to hear - I must tell you - I had a hard time not crying in front of you. I knew that would probably embarrass you to no end so I didn’t. I kept my tears to myself - but it really affected me. Sniffle, Sniffle - I am in love!

Can’t wait to see you again tomorrow!

Bethany, G3, G4, & Amanda