The Dam Breaks

Alex is feeling better (physically that is) - thank goodness he seems to have a strong constitution. However, in the aftermath of the sickness, he was left feeling a little down and out. It came out of the blue. One night, he was in a great mood - joking and playing around. He and I tickled, wrestled, and talked for about an hour and then I suggested we call Mariupol. He couldn't get through to anyone, so he suggested we call A1. We had a great talk and then I suggested he call his Grandma. Famous last words.... He had a long talk with her and seemed ok, but by the next morning was sullen and fussy. By the afternoon, he was working out on his kickboxing target ferociously, a sure sign that something is wrong.

Finally, I decided to confront him. I cornered him in his room and asked what was wrong. OMG, the dam burst forth. He asked in a very confrontational tone of voice, "Why me? Why money, documents, Ukraine, why me?" When I told him it was because we loved him, he looked at me and sneered, "You talk, everyday you talk. I love you, I love you, but is not real. Just talk. All women talk." I was stunned. It was so vituperative and mean-spirited, very unlike his normal demeanor. Before I shot back what was on the tip of my tongue, I thought for a minute and realized just how much this kid was hurting inside. I realized that he really did not understand the reasons why we wanted him. He had no concept of a love that was so deep that we wanted him to be a part of our family. All the love in his life hadn't gone so well. He had lost everybody even though I am sure they told him they loved him at one point or another.

So, I just looked at him and told him that I loved him deeply whether he believed it or not. I also decided that this was the time to confront him so I said, "You could have said no." He looked at me and said, "I know." I also told him that I didn't like to see him unhappy, but that he was part of a forever family now and was going to have to learn how to be a part of it. I could tell that his emotions were running higher than I had seen before, so that gave me the strength to be not as emotional. We talked for a little more, but by then I could see that he was not in any mood to listen to more. I left him and continued about my business.

Thank goodness, I picked the right attitude because about 1 hour later, he came and searched me out and told me, "I happy mom, every day, I happy." He then asked me if I loved him and when I said yes, of course, he went off singing, My mom loves me over and over. I think he felt if he verbalized these doubts that I wouldn't love him anymore. Hopefully, he will learn someday that I love him no matter what he says or does!

He had a great day after that - I think it reassured him that we were still there after all the drama of the morning. We went over to Becky and Kevin's house and visited with their family. It was a great time and we really enjoyed the day. Alex wanted a sleepover but was pretty amiable when Becky and I said no. He was disappointed but got over it in 5 minutes and slept all the way home.

Today he has had a great day so far. We are at the trampoline park again waiting for some friends to jump with. He loves jumping. I am starting to crack down a little on the dishes that seem to migrate to his room. I wouldn't leave the house today with him until he cleaned out all the dishes! I told him that we were not running a restaurant in his bedroom! Next I need to start working on schoolwork!